for my jewish friemds
Feb 6, 2016 14:21:53 #
I just got back from a pleasure trip.
I took my mother-in-law to the airport
Iv'e been in love with the same woman for 45 years.
if my wife finds out ,she will k**l me
someone stole all my credit cards.but I wont report it.
the thief charges less than my wife did
I always hold hands with my wife
if I let go she shops
we went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.
this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried
we went to a hotel where we got a water bed
my wife called it the dead sea
my wife was at the beauty parlor for two hours
that was just for the estimate
my wife got a facial and a mud pack
looked great until the mud pack fell off
the dr gave a man 6 months to live.the man couldn't pay his bill
the dr gave him 6 more
the dr called Mrs Cohen and said"your check came back"
Mrs Cohen said"so did my arthritis"
patient--"I have a ringing in my ears"
dr--"don't answer"
a drunk was in front of the judge.The judge said"you are here for drinking"
the drunk said"okay,lets get started'
Q--why do Jewish divorces cost so much
A--they are worth
the Harvard School of Medicine did a study on why Jewish women
like Chinese food.the study revealed that "won-ton"spelled backward spelled "not-now"
there is a controversy on the Jewish view
of when life begins.In Jewish tradition the fetus is not viable until it graduates Medical College
q--why don't Jewish mothers drink?
a--alcohol interferes with their suffering
Q--why do Jewish women make good parole officers?
a--they never let anyone finish a sentence
a man calls his mother in Fkorida-"how are you Mom"he asks
"not so good" she replies."I am very weak"
"thats terrible Mom,why on earth are you so weak?" he asks
she says "because I haven't eaten in 30 days"
"my God" he exclaims"why in Goodness sake haven't you eaten in 30 days?"
"I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you called"
A Jewish boy tells his mother that he has been selected to play a role in the school play."and what is your roll?she asked
The boy replied"I play the part of a Jewish father"
The mother frowns and says"go back and tell then you want a speaking part"
Jewish son says "that bulb is burned out.I will change it for you"
Jewish Mother says"don't bother,I'll just sit here in the dark.I dont want to be a nuisance'
a short summary of every Jewish holiday
They tried to k**l us.we won.let's eat!
did you hear about the bum who asked a Jewish lady for a habd out?he said"I haven't eaten for three days"
she said "Force yourself
q--whats the difference in a Jewish mother and a rotwieler?
a--the dog will eventually let go
q--why are Jewish men circumcised?
a-- because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20 percent off
like Chinese food.the study revealed that won-ton spelled backward was not now
I took my mother-in-law to the airport
Iv'e been in love with the same woman for 45 years.
if my wife finds out ,she will k**l me
someone stole all my credit cards.but I wont report it.
the thief charges less than my wife did
I always hold hands with my wife
if I let go she shops
we went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.
this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried
we went to a hotel where we got a water bed
my wife called it the dead sea
my wife was at the beauty parlor for two hours
that was just for the estimate
my wife got a facial and a mud pack
looked great until the mud pack fell off
the dr gave a man 6 months to live.the man couldn't pay his bill
the dr gave him 6 more
the dr called Mrs Cohen and said"your check came back"
Mrs Cohen said"so did my arthritis"
patient--"I have a ringing in my ears"
dr--"don't answer"
a drunk was in front of the judge.The judge said"you are here for drinking"
the drunk said"okay,lets get started'
Q--why do Jewish divorces cost so much
A--they are worth
the Harvard School of Medicine did a study on why Jewish women
like Chinese food.the study revealed that "won-ton"spelled backward spelled "not-now"
there is a controversy on the Jewish view
of when life begins.In Jewish tradition the fetus is not viable until it graduates Medical College
q--why don't Jewish mothers drink?
a--alcohol interferes with their suffering
Q--why do Jewish women make good parole officers?
a--they never let anyone finish a sentence
a man calls his mother in Fkorida-"how are you Mom"he asks
"not so good" she replies."I am very weak"
"thats terrible Mom,why on earth are you so weak?" he asks
she says "because I haven't eaten in 30 days"
"my God" he exclaims"why in Goodness sake haven't you eaten in 30 days?"
"I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you called"
A Jewish boy tells his mother that he has been selected to play a role in the school play."and what is your roll?she asked
The boy replied"I play the part of a Jewish father"
The mother frowns and says"go back and tell then you want a speaking part"
Jewish son says "that bulb is burned out.I will change it for you"
Jewish Mother says"don't bother,I'll just sit here in the dark.I dont want to be a nuisance'
a short summary of every Jewish holiday
They tried to k**l us.we won.let's eat!
did you hear about the bum who asked a Jewish lady for a habd out?he said"I haven't eaten for three days"
she said "Force yourself
q--whats the difference in a Jewish mother and a rotwieler?
a--the dog will eventually let go
q--why are Jewish men circumcised?
a-- because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20 percent off
like Chinese food.the study revealed that won-ton spelled backward was not now
Feb 6, 2016 15:01:11 #
Oy vey. Pobrecito. I know how devastated you are for not having had a Jewish mother. That is an experience no one should be denied.
Feb 6, 2016 15:50:36 #
PoppaGringo wrote:
Oy vey. Pobrecito. I know how devastated you are for not having had a Jewish mother. That is an experience no one should be denied.
another advantage I never had Poppa
If I didn't know the wonderful sense of humor the Jewish folks have,I wouldn't have posted this
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