Different ways of looking at things
Jan 25, 2016 22:31:06 #
Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol:
Different ways of looking at things
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
_________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the
divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife
$775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every
now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency
Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of
your wife at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and
really good with the kids.'
__________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you
man and wife.'
_________________________________________
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
__________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how
long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
__________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of
Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he k**led?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears
and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used
in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
__________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty
pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I
sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
__________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well,
she's there.'
Different ways of looking at things
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
_________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
___________________________________________
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the
divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife
$775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every
now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency
Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of
your wife at all..'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and
really good with the kids.'
__________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you
man and wife.'
_________________________________________
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
__________________________________________
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how
long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
__________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of
Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he k**led?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears
and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used
in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
__________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty
pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I
sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
__________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well,
she's there.'
Jan 25, 2016 23:03:56 #
You bad. Very bad. But I'm LMAO! :lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Jan 25, 2016 23:32:16 #
Parrothead wrote:
You bad. Very bad. But I'm LMAO! :lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup:
:lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Jan 25, 2016 23:53:15 #
[quote=Elwood]Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol:
Different ways of looking at things
:thumbup: That last one was excellent, thanks. I laughed so hard I hurt, anybody got any idea what to do for a black eye as my wife I guess didn't understand my humor in it? :roll: :roll:
Different ways of looking at things
:thumbup: That last one was excellent, thanks. I laughed so hard I hurt, anybody got any idea what to do for a black eye as my wife I guess didn't understand my humor in it? :roll: :roll:
Jan 26, 2016 00:03:31 #
[quote=Onelostdog]
:lol: :lol: Try a steak. :mrgreen:
Elwood wrote:
Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol:
Different ways of looking at things
:thumbup: That last one was excellent, thanks. I laughed so hard I hurt, anybody got any idea what to do for a black eye as my wife I guess didn't understand my humor in it? :roll: :roll:
Different ways of looking at things
:thumbup: That last one was excellent, thanks. I laughed so hard I hurt, anybody got any idea what to do for a black eye as my wife I guess didn't understand my humor in it? :roll: :roll:
:lol: :lol: Try a steak. :mrgreen:
Jan 26, 2016 00:22:13 #
Elwood wrote:
:lol: :lol: Try a steak. :mrgreen:
Medium or well done? My eye already looks like a raw steak. :lol: :roll:
Jan 26, 2016 02:14:15 #
Out did yourself again, El~~~Too funny, all of them~~ :thumbup: :thumbup:
Jan 26, 2016 08:00:32 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
I very wisely did not share all of these with the Sgt. Major. :wink:
Jan 26, 2016 08:20:31 #
slatten49 wrote:
I very wisely did not share all of these with the Sgt. Major. :wink:
lolol, A smart man you are~~~
I'm thinking single is better~~~~ :wink: :lol:
Jan 26, 2016 10:30:12 #
[quote=Onelostdog]
Put a patch over it. :lol: :lol: :roll:
Elwood wrote:
Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol:
Different ways of looking at things
:thumbup: That last one was excellent, thanks. I laughed so hard I hurt, anybody got any idea what to do for a black eye as my wife I guess didn't understand my humor in it? :roll: :roll:
Different ways of looking at things
:thumbup: That last one was excellent, thanks. I laughed so hard I hurt, anybody got any idea what to do for a black eye as my wife I guess didn't understand my humor in it? :roll: :roll:
Put a patch over it. :lol: :lol: :roll:
Jan 26, 2016 22:49:45 #
Onelostdog wrote:
Medium or well done? My eye already looks like a raw steak. :lol: :roll:
:lol: :lol: Raw my friend, raw. :mrgreen:
Jan 26, 2016 22:50:24 #
lindajoy wrote:
Out did yourself again, El~~~Too funny, all of them~~ :thumbup: :thumbup:
Thank you Linda. :mrgreen:
Jan 26, 2016 22:50:48 #
slatten49 wrote:
I very wisely did not share all of these with the Sgt. Major. :wink:
Smart of you Slats. :lol: :lol:
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