carpenter patriot wrote:
My son went to Iraq after 911. I was the one that encouraged him to join the military. For 11 months me and my wife watched the news on all channels every waking minute we were not working. I kept thinking that I would see him in the background on one of the news shows. Of course I didn't. I had not cried a half a dozen times in my life. I had to pretend to be strong for the family. I know for 11 months every time I was by myself I would sob uncontrolably. I was the one encouraging him to enlist. I though I had sent him to die. I was panicked I was sure I had k**led him. When the time came and we were picking him up from the airport the entire family was there. He hugged his way to me I was last in line. All I could do was hold him and (now in front of everyone) sob. After 10 minutes or so we went on our way. The family was floored to see my calloused wind burnt show no pain ass would break down like that. I told them the t***h about the last 11 months, they said they were shocked and had no idea it affected me like that. Me and him were at the knocksville sprint car races. On the way home we were talking about a friend we know that got the hard charger of the nite award. He stopped talking out of the blue. He would do that now and then, then he would jump back in like he was talking the entire time. After a long minute I said are you all right. He lifted his head half way up and kinda turned his head to the left and said while sobbing "we k**led them". After a pause I said who did you k**l. He looked back at me and said "we k**led them, we k**led them all". Later I found out he was on mission when they trapped a bunch of combatants in a city block. He was a gunner on a Bradly. The order came to shoot, you have to get permission unless your in danger. He said fire at what? The Sargent said everything soldier get that weapon operational. He flipped off the safety and tore loose with the 50 cal. Shortly after they were told to stop. They had out ran the boots so they were forced to dismount and clear. Him and the driver were d**gging behind just kinda looking around. They almost never left their track. They were in this appt that had been cleared. There was a small door maybe 4 foot high and 30 inches wide. The driver opened the door and just stood there. My boy asked what he saw. No reply. He went around behind to look over his shoulder to check out what the driver was looking at. In this little 3ft by 4ft space maybe 8 foot deep. Two elderly women 4 adult woman and 7 or 8 children had crammed in there thinking they were safe. When the 50 cal. Rounds ripped through it churned them up and it looked like human spaghetti. His description. They couldn't tell who or how many, he found out later. This was not a isolated incident. That was only one of many many stories he told me. He has never mentioned his service to any one but me, not another soul. Since then we set about getting him help. I know they fought around the clock 7 days a week for around 5 months. He has not been the same , he is changed. Don't get me wrong at least I have my son. The Sargent when we to see him right after he got back told us our children would not be leaving for a few weeks. All the others had left. Our son was with the gunners. They couldn't leave. The Sargent said your boys have been in a real bad place for a real long time. The least amount of confirmed k**ls that my son and these other gunners had were 34 each ( we found that out years after he got out). Those are documented. His DAV said your son could have many more, that was the least. They wanted to make sure they were OK before they sent them home. That play reminded me of him. Not as much now but every now a then I break down and start sobbing. I wonder if by encouraging him to join, did I k**l my son? His torment has to be unbearable at times. I am responsible for that. That is the burden I carry. I do wonder at times like right now,did I k**l my son?
That was spectacular thank you for posting it.....
My son went to Iraq after 911. I was the one that ... (
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I firmly believe this is the reason that we have so many vets with PTSD. The majority of our military men are not vicious k**lers. I imagine those from every country are affected similarly. They are taught to h**e but how can one h**e people they don't even know? It's too bad wars can't be settled over a game of (or like) chess. But then, the earth would be even more populated. I do wish more people would realize that wars are fought in order to thin out the population of this planet. D********g thought, isn't it? I wonder how many agree with me.
Not on the same level but this afternoon my neighbor brought one of my cats home to my porch. Like you, I can't cry in front of others. I sent him a message explaining that I am not really so hard-hearted and he responded that "we all have our own ways of mourning." I am grateful for his comment. I do cry inside when saddened but the only time I will cry outwardly is for something good and beautiful or someone's success. But they are in times of joy. That's why you were able to cry upon his return. It's good to see you have such a wonderful relationship with him. It's interesting to note that most ex-military men speak only of the fun times.