Go Now To The Bathroom, Before Reading...
Dec 23, 2015 20:16:40 #
Don G. Dinsdale
Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)
Warning: Go To The Bathroom, NOW!!!
Terry This Was PERFECT, Thanks, Still Laughing... Don D.
From one of my Aerospace Industry friends:
Ho - Ho - Ho
Since we are in this business, I thought you all might appreciate this, or develop a fear of flying.
Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; that's reassurance to those of us who fly routinely.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last:
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Jeffrey Hutson
Proposal Manager
LMI Aerospace| http://www.lmiaerospace.com/
411 Fountain Lakes Blvd | St. Charles, MO 63301
o: 636-916-2491
JHutson@lmiaerospace.com
LMI aerospace - a higher level of performance
Terry This Was PERFECT, Thanks, Still Laughing... Don D.
From one of my Aerospace Industry friends:
Ho - Ho - Ho
Since we are in this business, I thought you all might appreciate this, or develop a fear of flying.
Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; that's reassurance to those of us who fly routinely.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last:
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Jeffrey Hutson
Proposal Manager
LMI Aerospace| http://www.lmiaerospace.com/
411 Fountain Lakes Blvd | St. Charles, MO 63301
o: 636-916-2491
JHutson@lmiaerospace.com
LMI aerospace - a higher level of performance
Dec 23, 2015 21:18:28 #
Dec 23, 2015 21:31:17 #
no propaganda please
Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun
Don G. Dinsdale wrote:
Warning: Go To The Bathroom, NOW!!! br br Terry T... (show quote)
This was so funny that it took me a while to stop laughing long enough to send it to several friends.
Thanks, and MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY MAY YOU ALL GO WITH GOD NOW AND ALWAYS.
Dec 24, 2015 07:59:58 #
Funny
Now if the M's at UPS, install a GPS; the P's at UPS won't get lost.
Now if the M's at UPS, install a GPS; the P's at UPS won't get lost.
Don G. Dinsdale wrote:
Warning: Go To The Bathroom, NOW!!! br br Terry T... (show quote)
Dec 24, 2015 08:50:50 #
lpnmajor
Loc: Arkansas
Don G. Dinsdale wrote:
Warning: Go To The Bathroom, NOW!!! br br Terry T... (show quote)
Haha! It is fortunate that the ground crews do NOT have college degrees - or their fleet would still be grounded -while the college educated mechanics tried to:
Determine the exact degree of tire wear present and whether it passed the replacement threshold.
Why auto landing device could not remotely land plane from the warehouse where device was stored.
Determine how #3 engine could disappear while in flight, but re-appear once landed - and where it was during it's missing period - and whether it was operating within accepted parameters while in it's "missing" mode.
Sometimes - simpler is better. :lol:
Dec 24, 2015 11:16:11 #
Don G. Dinsdale wrote:
Warning: Go To The Bathroom, NOW!!! br br Terry T... (show quote)
OMFG :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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