The World Series
A man had front row seats to the final game of the World Series, right behind home plate. A man walks down the stands and asks if the seat next to him is taken. The man replies sadly, No. This seat actually belonged to my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Series shes missed since we were married in 1994. The other man said, Wow. Im so sorry, but you couldnt find anyone else to come with you? Not a friend or family member who would love to sit in this seat? The sad man replied, No. Theyre all at my wifes funeral.
The Lawyer and the Devil
An ambitious young lawyer was in her office late one night when the Devil appeared. He said that he had a proposition for her. I will make you the best lawyer in the world. You will win every case. Your colleagues will be in awe. You will be rich and famous and everyone will love you because you are so smart and so talented. In return, I want the souls of your husband, your kids, your parents, your grandparents and everyone in the world you love. The lawyer looked at the devil and replied, So whats the catch?
The Blonde Flight
A blonde gets on a plane bound for Chicago and leaves her seat in economy to sit in first class. When the flight attendant tells her she has to go back to economy because she didnt pay for a first class ticket, the blonde says, Im blonde, Im beautiful and Im going to Chicago and Im staying right here in this seat. The flight attendant and the blonde repeat this process a few times before the attendant gets the pilot. The same thing happens to the pilot when he tries to talk to the blonde. He goes back to the cockpit and begins to radio the tower for assistance when the co-pilot asks him to wait just a second. Im married to a blonde, he tells the captain. I speak blonde, let me handle it. He goes up to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she said, Oh, Im so sorry, before getting up and going back to her economy seat. How did you do that? his colleagues ask him. Easy. I told her first class isnt going to Chicago.
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her surprise (and dismay), she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'
Alicia wrote:
The World Series
A man had front row seats to the final game of the World Series, right behind home plate. A man walks down the stands and asks if the seat next to him is taken. The man replies sadly, No. This seat actually belonged to my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Series shes missed since we were married in 1994. The other man said, Wow. Im so sorry, but you couldnt find anyone else to come with you? Not a friend or family member who would love to sit in this seat? The sad man replied, No. Theyre all at my wifes funeral.
The Lawyer and the Devil
An ambitious young lawyer was in her office late one night when the Devil appeared. He said that he had a proposition for her. I will make you the best lawyer in the world. You will win every case. Your colleagues will be in awe. You will be rich and famous and everyone will love you because you are so smart and so talented. In return, I want the souls of your husband, your kids, your parents, your grandparents and everyone in the world you love. The lawyer looked at the devil and replied, So whats the catch?
The Blonde Flight
A blonde gets on a plane bound for Chicago and leaves her seat in economy to sit in first class. When the flight attendant tells her she has to go back to economy because she didnt pay for a first class ticket, the blonde says, Im blonde, Im beautiful and Im going to Chicago and Im staying right here in this seat. The flight attendant and the blonde repeat this process a few times before the attendant gets the pilot. The same thing happens to the pilot when he tries to talk to the blonde. He goes back to the cockpit and begins to radio the tower for assistance when the co-pilot asks him to wait just a second. Im married to a blonde, he tells the captain. I speak blonde, let me handle it. He goes up to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she said, Oh, Im so sorry, before getting up and going back to her economy seat. How did you do that? his colleagues ask him. Easy. I told her first class isnt going to Chicago.
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her surprise (and dismay), she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'
The World Series br br A man had front row seats ... (
show quote)
I've been up for a while already, but these woke me up properly. :lol: :thumbup: :lol: :thumbup: :lol:
slatten49 wrote:
I've been up for a while already, but these woke me up properly. :lol: :thumbup: :lol: :thumbup: :lol:
****************
So glad to be of service.
:roll: :roll: :roll:
If you want to reply, then
register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.