Southern etiquette
Nov 1, 2015 10:21:41 #
Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol:
"War is a racket, a few make
money, many loose everything"
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the g***m, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
"War is a racket, a few make
money, many loose everything"
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the g***m, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Nov 1, 2015 10:31:42 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
Elwood wrote:
Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol: br br br ... (show quote)
Was this originally posted by Jeff Foxworthy :?: :shock: :lol:
Nov 1, 2015 10:58:43 #
Elwood wrote:
Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol: br br br ... (show quote)
:thumbup: You are always welcome in the South my beaked friend.
Nov 1, 2015 11:00:15 #
I wish I had known all this years ago. I guess next you'll tell me "Sweet Home Alabama" isn't appropriate wedding music and a loud "Hell Yeah." isn't a good answer to the "Do you take this woman......" part of the wedding vows.
Nov 1, 2015 12:02:01 #
slatten49 wrote:
Was this originally posted by Jeff Foxworthy :?: :shock: :lol:
:lol: :lol: Probably. :mrgreen:
Nov 1, 2015 12:02:28 #
Rufus wrote:
:thumbup: You are always welcome in the South my beaked friend.
Thank you mate. :lol: :lol:
Nov 1, 2015 12:02:48 #
Parrothead wrote:
I wish I had known all this years ago. I guess next you'll tell me "Sweet Home Alabama" isn't appropriate wedding music and a loud "Hell Yeah." isn't a good answer to the "Do you take this woman......" part of the wedding vows.
:lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Nov 2, 2015 09:10:06 #
Parrothead wrote:
I wish I had known all this years ago. I guess next you'll tell me "Sweet Home Alabama" isn't appropriate wedding music and a loud "Hell Yeah." isn't a good answer to the "Do you take this woman......" part of the wedding vows.
:lol: :lol: :lol: Yep, sureeeeeeee it is~~~ :lol: :lol: :lol:
Nov 2, 2015 11:02:07 #
AND don't date your cousin,,,,,,,,IF she has more teeth than you....someone has to slop that hog.....
Nov 2, 2015 11:15:21 #
boatbob2 wrote:
AND don't date your cousin,,,,,,,,IF she has more teeth than you....someone has to slop that hog.....
:lol: :lol: Now that is one ugly picture. :shock:
Nov 2, 2015 11:25:19 #
Elwood wrote:
:lol: :lol: Now that is one ugly picture. :shock:
That is an ugly picture. Which reminds me, " A dream date in Alabama is anyone other than a relative." Here is another one: What do you call foreplay in Alabama? " Get in the truck b***h. "
Nov 2, 2015 11:29:32 #
Rufus wrote:
That is an ugly picture. Which reminds me, " A dream date in Alabama is anyone other than a relative." Here is another one: What do you call foreplay in Alabama? " Get in the truck b***h. "
hmmm
I thought that was Texas :roll: :roll: :roll:
Nov 2, 2015 11:30:44 #
I was stationed in Alabama,3 different times (Huntsville) total of 7 years,Alabamians are great people....
Nov 2, 2015 11:42:14 #
boatbob2 wrote:
I was stationed in Alabama,3 different times (Huntsville) total of 7 years,Alabamians are great people....
Just a joke. You can use any state. I chose Alabama because that is where my ex wife is from.
Nov 2, 2015 19:24:44 #
Rufus wrote:
That is an ugly picture. Which reminds me, " A dream date in Alabama is anyone other than a relative." Here is another one: What do you call foreplay in Alabama? " Get in the truck b***h. "
:lol: :lol:
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