BearK Loc: TN

To my Italian Friends & others who are my friends anyway!

Italian Women are Tough!

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out on a bed sheet on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.

"No touch ! " she said.

"Those are for the funeral."


A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold.

When he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!”

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?” Allah replied, "Who told you they were women?"


Finally, A Blonde Joke for Sports Fans

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "Because I'm the Goalie !

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Thanks, Aunt Bea...I needed a smile this morning :!: That first one really cracked me up. :lol:

gapamen Loc: North Carolina

Thanks I needed that this morning. :thumbup:

BearK Loc: TN

I know why ---- you would have had your hand hit with the wooden spoon :lol: :lol: :lol:

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

That'sa right'a...from mi amore'. :shock: :-D

Carlos

As a young boy I was kidnapped, the kidnappers sent my father a piece of my finger, he sent back a message saying he wanted more proof! I always knew I wasn't the most handsome-lad around, especially when they asked me to be poster boy for birth control! I never really felt wanted, it was worse one time
when I was introduced to the Surgeon General and he offered me cigarette!
that really made me think.Then there was the time I felt so proud, it was the
father and son breakfast, I really felt good until I saw my son sitting at a table with the milk man! There was a time I considered myself quite the lover!!!
What spoiled it was the night I caught a peeping tom booing me!!!

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Don't be so hard on yourself, Mr. Daingerfield :!: :wink:

Carlos

wasn't he one funny guy ? He wrote most of his jokes. He worked as an aluminum siding man and wouldn't quit his job. What really put him over
was his appearance on the Johnny Carson show, then he took off. I just
thought he came out with the darnedest things and usually in short sentences.
He was one funny guy. But it's a lot in the telling, unlike you I don't tell a joke very well.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

You did just fine! I agree with you about Daingerfield. He was a lot like Henny Youngman, just a little coarser. One-liner geniuses, each with a master's delivery. I was just messin' wit'cha. :thumbup: :mrgreen:

BearK Loc: TN

I have read that his wife inspired him with the wife jokes - you can't help but wonder if some of them weren't true.

At any rate, Carlos, you did great - thanks for your input.

badbobby Loc: texas

Bear
you are amazing
you are now our official jokester :thumbup: :thumbup:

BearK Loc: TN

Thanks!

Workinman Loc: Bayou Pigeon

Wife jokes... I like the one where he said I shouldn't make fun of my wife, she's attached to a machine that lets her live....the refrigerator...


Thanks for the laughs...Ms. BearK!!

BearK Loc: TN

Hi there, WM, hope you're doing well. Any prayer needs, PM me.

badbobby Loc: texas

hi Slat
where you been hiding?
Poppa said he was suspended for 30 days
bet one of his emails from opp went to spam
happened to me twice