lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

I looked in the mirror this morning and did NOT like what I saw staring back at me. So I asked my wife to stop staring over my shoulder.

Last night, I asked my wife if she'd like to have sex. She says " now that you mention it, yes. So have you got somewhere you can go for about an hour?"

I went to buy my wife a new car and the salesman asked why I didn't bring her to pick one out. "well", I said, "she doesn't want to be involved in this kind of tedium, so I have to do it all by myself." Aren't you afraid she'll not like what you pick out, he asks? "Oh yes!" I reply, "that's why I'm getting the big car with the comfortable back seats, because the chances are 50/50 that I'll get it wrong, and I'll be living in it."

I love my wife with all my heart - but sometimes I wish I hadn't been so irresistible - just like she wishes I weren't either. :lol:

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

For a second I thought you were Rodnry Dangerfield. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Well, bless your little ole heart, honey chile:roll: :mrgreen:

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

You need to lay the law down to your little lady. :mrgreen:

Let me know how that goes. :lol:

Rufus Loc: Deep South

Me too. What model car was it?
:lol: :lol: :lol:

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Properly laying the law down requires you to start with "What ever you want dear" GOT THAT?

SWMBO

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

Oh, I did that before we got married. Then, after the "I now pronounce..." part - I found out that a new Sheriff had shown up. Now, I'm just a Deputy and 9 times out of ten, not a very good one.

I spend more time suspended without pay, than I do on the job. Which is just as well, I suppose, because it's the "job" that gets me suspended. :wink: :lol:

bdamage Loc: My Bunker

I was thinking along the lines of Henny Youngman

Youngman’s most famous line (too famous for this list?) was “Take my wife, please.” Indeed, his wife, Sadie, was the unnamed butt of many of his jokes. In reality, Henny and wife Sadie (nee Cohen) were very close and enjoyed more than sixty years of marriage. Thirty for him, and thirty for her. Just kidding: they enjoyed—by all accounts—a long, wonderful union.

Henny was still performing until the very end, which came shortly before his 92nd birthday. He is buried in Glendale, New York, and his great lines live on.

Here are ten of his quick bits, among very many.


10. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

9. There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

8. While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

7. Those two are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.

6. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

5. My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

4. My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

3. My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he k**led himself.

2. She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

1. I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

OOPS! I can’t resist one slightly longer one:

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says “Do what I do. I put my head on my wife’s bosom, and the headache goes away.” The next day, the man says, “Did you do what I told you to?” “Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!”

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Heard 'em all before and loved them just as much this time :!:

These, indeed, were among his best. :wink:

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Yes'um. :shock: :oops:

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

That reminds me of when VietNamVet(?) of the OPP told me he was captain of his ship, but, unfortunately...he married an admiral. :lol: Such is life...and marriage. :roll:

Rufus Loc: Deep South

:lol: :lol: :lol: You gotta love it. Those are funny.

bdamage Loc: My Bunker

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

He had better be very careful she doesn't lay him down...and out.

His post does bring back a few memories of my bliss with the good Dr. :oops: :mrgreen: :XD: :roll: :x :lol:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Otherwise known as DCD: Darling Colonel Doctor! :idea: :!: :idea: