eagleye13 Loc: Fl

10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand. Who Says Engineers Don't Have A Sense Of Humor?

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
"What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (�)

8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer... "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Gee, I understood all of them, and thought they were funny, particularly liked #3. And I am not an engineer nor am I married to one. Strange isn't it?


SWMBO

the waker Loc: 11th freest nation

Sad part is many are TOO true. :thumbup:

missinglink Loc: Tralfamadore

All are applicable. Boy can I get mileage on this one. Thanks. :D :D

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Strange, indeed. Like you, I 'engineered' my way through all of them. :wink:

Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA

:thumbup: Me toooo!! Best part? They made me laugh. :wink:

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

Top drawer eagleye. Loved them all. :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

dennisimoto Loc: Washington State (West)

Hey! I resemble those remarks!

OK, a Catholic priest, a Jewish Rabbi and an alcoholic engineer are all going to be executed on the Guillotine for Heresy during the French Revolution. (I know, it's a stretch, bear with me.) They ask the priest how he'd like to be placed on the machine, face up or face down and he says, "Face up please. I want my last view to be of the Heaven I expect to be in very soon." He's placed on the platform and the executioner trips the blade which comes roaring down its track only to screech to a halt 1/4 inch from the Priests neck. "It's a miracle," the executioner declares, "we have to release him." Everything is reset and the Rabbi also asks to be placed face up and gets the same result. He's freed on the spot.

Now it's the alcoholic engineer's turn. He figures that things went well for the first two guys, he'll go face up also. As he's being strapped onto the platform he looks up at the blade mechanism and says, "Wait a second guys. I think I see the problem here."

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbup:

BearK Loc: TN

[quote=no propaganda please]Gee, I understood all of them, and thought they were funny, particularly liked #3. And I am not an engineer nor am I married to one. Strange isn't it?


SWMBO[/quote

Good ones EE. I liked #10 because it proves men take things literally.
Somehow I believe a good engineer would think out of the box (common sense).
But then, women should remember men never listen to them anyway - be more specific.

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Some funny stuff~~ :thumbup: :thumbup:

L8erToots

These are jokes? (asks the electro/mechanical engineer daughter of a civil engineer and who also married a mechanical engineer, lol)
Good ones!!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :lol: :lol:

alabuck Loc: Tennessee

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My wife is a mechanical engineer. I can identify with several of these. I can't wait to share these with her! "And should I die before I wake, .... "

alabuck Loc: Tennessee

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TWO engineering degrees! Outstanding! Is a "Masters" in any of them coming soon? Are you a PE, too? I love it when women jump into fields where men predominant. My wife is a good example.

I hope you never have to witness any of the discrimination my wife had to go through. More than once, she was told that she was only hired because she was a woman; that she was taking away a job that a man could use to feed his family. Once, she was denied a job because the HR person felt, she being a young woman, would get pregnant and would leave the job, leaving the company in a lurch trying to locate someone to fill her position.

Another time, a co-worker of ours (we worked for the same utility company) told her that women should only be allowed jobs in the following professions: teacher, nurse, beautician, or housewife. All other jobs should be left for men. This attitude was prevalent in the late 1990's. This co-worker also started a rumor that she and I were having an affair (we were married to other people at the time); which we were not. This resulted in my "now" wife and her husband moving to another location.

We did end up divorcing our respective spouses. Mine was caught having an affair. Her spouse refused to hold down any jobs and continued to write bad checks, causing them to bankrupt. She booted him out.

Eventually, I was t***sferred to the same area my "now" wife resided. We resumed our friendship, fell in love, decided to make the rumors that were started about us 'true,' and married. Last month, we celebrated our 20th anniversary.

Perhaps this is"TMI," but it's because of these kinds of treatment women get/got makes me celebrate everytime I hear or read of a woman achieving as much as you have. My wife was "the 1st woman" to do several things in her field/job. She had to put up with a LOT of crap, too. But, she's retired, now. So, we get to spend our time together and not worry about the next obstacle she has to jump over.

Hang in there, L8erToots! And, again, congrats on your accomplishments!!!!!!:thumbup:

Alabuck

Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA

:thumbup: TMI? No, simply AWESOME testament, that's all, simply AWESOME. :thumbup: