Alicia Loc: NYC

The Blonde and the Chimpanzees

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was f**gged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked to the car and asked, 'Are you going to San Diego ?'
‘Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift?'
'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble.'

'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
'What the heck are you doing here?' he demanded. 'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.'

'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde, 'but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World.'

asphaltman

lmao, gr8 one

archie bunker Loc: Texas

Oh Lord!! Mrs.Bunker..... :shock:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

We will not let her see this. :idea: :idea:

larrypuckett1939

GROAN!

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

Hope they got some cool souveniers.

:thumbup:

archie bunker Loc: Texas

Thank you! I already have enough 'monkeys' around here!!

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Is that any way to speak about your children? :mrgreen: :roll: :lol:

Richard94611

A blond had become what seemed like morning sickness, so she went to the doctor. He examined her, left the room briefly, and then returned.

"There's something I think you should know," he said. "You're pregnant."

The blond thought a moment, then replied, "Is it mine ?"

dennisimoto Loc: Washington State (West)

Two blondes are enjoying latte's at a sidewalk cafe near the Marina. One of them looks up and notices that the moon is still showing in the sky. "I've always wondered," she said, "which is further away. The Moon or Florida." "Hello," says her friend, "can you see Florida from here?"

asphaltman

lol, i have to remember this one :lol:

TroubleshooterTim Loc: People's Republic of Oregon

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

TroubleshooterTim Loc: People's Republic of Oregon

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm h*****g myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were h*****g yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

TroubleshooterTim Loc: People's Republic of Oregon

There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.

They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed."

They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a f**e I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.

Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

asphaltman

these are gr8, i never heard them,. lol