This parody is making its way around the Web quickly. Best I can tell it comes from the Minneapolis Star-Tribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,


I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamor, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad.


Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.


Best, Satan

This parody is making its way around the Web quickly. Best I can tell it comes from the Minneapolis Star-Tribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,


I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamor, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad.


Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.


Best, Satan

That's just terribly funny! :lol: That's the exact slogan Satan uses around the world and has since humans came into existence. Satan convinces people that their hatred and bigotry is holy and efforts to eradicate those who "offend God" is doing God's work.

Of course Satan forgets to mention that God has specifically stated that vengeance and judgment are HIS domain - not ours. He also forgets to mention that Jesus specifically commanded us to "love thine enemies" and that love and forgiveness are the highest examples of Christ like behavior - which is what being Christian is supposed to be all about.

Satans best weapon against God, is a Christian who believes he/she knows the mind of God, is authorized to pass judgment in His name and is authorized to encourage vengeance against those who have Offended Him.

Any supposed Christian who espouses anything other than love, compassion and forgiveness - is NOT representing Christ - they are a double agent working for Lucifer.

That's just terribly funny! :lol: That's the exact slogan Satan uses around the world and has since humans came into existence. Satan convinces people that their hatred and bigotry is holy and efforts to eradicate those who "offend God" is doing God's work.

Of course Satan forgets to mention that God has specifically stated that vengeance and judgment are HIS domain - not ours. He also forgets to mention that Jesus specifically commanded us to "love thine enemies" and that love and forgiveness are the highest examples of Christ like behavior - which is what being Christian is supposed to be all about.

Satans best weapon against God, is a Christian who believes he/she knows the mind of God, is authorized to pass judgment in His name and is authorized to encourage vengeance against those who have Offended Him.

Any supposed Christian who espouses anything other than love, compassion and forgiveness - is NOT representing Christ - they are a double agent working for Lucifer.

How in the phuck did you learn to be so vile?....did the military do it to you? phucked up parents who you got to observe? I can tell you don't do s**t but sit at home and collect a government check, maybe military....I hope you saw combat even if from afar....because if not....you was on welfare on my high azz taxes...i mean think about it, you got three hots and a cot, training and free travel......if you did not have to put your azz on the line....you were on the government dole......I'm not a nasty azz confederate righty....so I won't talk down at you if that is actually the t***h...but look at the reality of it and realize you were/are no different from the people your ilk considers as POS......