quips
Apr 19, 2015 16:35:09 #
my dad h**ed me.I asked him how to get my kite to fly.he said"jump off a cliff"
I went to a massage parlor,it was self service
my wife has sex with me only for a purpose.last nite she used me to time an egg
its hard to stay married.my wife kisses the dog but wont drink out of my glass
last night wifey met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee.she was coming home
girl told me to come on over,no ones home.i wet over,no one was home
a hooker once told me she had a headache
if it wasn't for pickpockets,i would have no sex life
I was making love to this girl and she started crying..i said
"are you going to h**e yourself in the morning"?"no " she said"i h**e myself now"
I had a girl friend so ugly they used her to cure sex offenders
my wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves
I am so ugly that when I stuck my head out the window I was arrested for indecent exposure
I came home early ,a guy was jogging naked.i asked him why.he said "you came home early"
my wife is such a bad cook the dog begs for alkaseltzer
I know that I aint sexy.when I put on my underwear I hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing
my wife is such a bad cook that we pray after eating
my wife talks to me during sex.last nite she called me from a motel
my folks were so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,i wouldn't have had anything to play with
its been a bad day.this morning I put on my shirt and a button fell off.i picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off.i am afraid to go to the bathroom
I was so ugly as a tot that when I played in the sand box,the cat covered me up
I kmew my parents h**ed me.my bath toys were a radio and a toaster
I was so ugly that my mother never breast fed me.she only liked me as a friend
I was so ugly that dad carried a picture of the kid that came with the wallet
when I was born the dr told my parents"im very sorry,i did everything I could,but he survived anyhow"
I was so ugly ny mother had morning sickness after I was born
I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent dad a finger to prove they had me.dad said"i want more proof"
I was lost and went to a policeman."please help me find my parents' said
"I don't know son"he said"there are so many places for them to hide'
my made me join a bridge club.i jump next Tuesday
I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop the customers wanted to know how big I would get
I went to my dr"dr every morning when I get up and look in the mirror ,I vomit.whats wrong with me"?'nothing 'he replied"your eyesights perfect"
some dog I have,i call him Egyptbecause he leaves a pyramin in every room.his favorite chew toy is my arm.yesterday he went on the paper.i was reading it
I was so ugly they asked me to be a poster boy for birth control
my uncles dying wish was for me to be sitting in his lap.he was in the electric chair
GOLLY ,BUT I MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I went to a massage parlor,it was self service
my wife has sex with me only for a purpose.last nite she used me to time an egg
its hard to stay married.my wife kisses the dog but wont drink out of my glass
last night wifey met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee.she was coming home
girl told me to come on over,no ones home.i wet over,no one was home
a hooker once told me she had a headache
if it wasn't for pickpockets,i would have no sex life
I was making love to this girl and she started crying..i said
"are you going to h**e yourself in the morning"?"no " she said"i h**e myself now"
I had a girl friend so ugly they used her to cure sex offenders
my wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves
I am so ugly that when I stuck my head out the window I was arrested for indecent exposure
I came home early ,a guy was jogging naked.i asked him why.he said "you came home early"
my wife is such a bad cook the dog begs for alkaseltzer
I know that I aint sexy.when I put on my underwear I hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing
my wife is such a bad cook that we pray after eating
my wife talks to me during sex.last nite she called me from a motel
my folks were so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,i wouldn't have had anything to play with
its been a bad day.this morning I put on my shirt and a button fell off.i picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off.i am afraid to go to the bathroom
I was so ugly as a tot that when I played in the sand box,the cat covered me up
I kmew my parents h**ed me.my bath toys were a radio and a toaster
I was so ugly that my mother never breast fed me.she only liked me as a friend
I was so ugly that dad carried a picture of the kid that came with the wallet
when I was born the dr told my parents"im very sorry,i did everything I could,but he survived anyhow"
I was so ugly ny mother had morning sickness after I was born
I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent dad a finger to prove they had me.dad said"i want more proof"
I was lost and went to a policeman."please help me find my parents' said
"I don't know son"he said"there are so many places for them to hide'
my made me join a bridge club.i jump next Tuesday
I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop the customers wanted to know how big I would get
I went to my dr"dr every morning when I get up and look in the mirror ,I vomit.whats wrong with me"?'nothing 'he replied"your eyesights perfect"
some dog I have,i call him Egyptbecause he leaves a pyramin in every room.his favorite chew toy is my arm.yesterday he went on the paper.i was reading it
I was so ugly they asked me to be a poster boy for birth control
my uncles dying wish was for me to be sitting in his lap.he was in the electric chair
GOLLY ,BUT I MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD
Apr 19, 2015 16:43:02 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
badbobby wrote:
my dad h**ed me.I asked him how to get my kite to ... (show quote)
Who needs Rodney when you're around :!: :lol: :thumbup: :lol:
Apr 19, 2015 17:23:47 #
badbobby wrote:
my dad h**ed me.I asked him how to get my kite to ... (show quote)
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking reading through this!! Good job!! :thumbup:
Apr 19, 2015 23:53:42 #
archie bunker wrote:
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking reading through this!! Good job!! :thumbup:
Poor little bobby. I can now understand why you are always in such a funk.
Perhaps this will cheer you up.
I bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week.
Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
Apr 20, 2015 01:29:22 #
badbobby wrote:
my dad h**ed me.I asked him how to get my kite to ... (show quote)
Honest guardians, how wonderful. Did anything untoward ever happen to you?
Apr 20, 2015 07:49:46 #
badbobby wrote:
my dad h**ed me.I asked him how to get my kite to ... (show quote)
You and Me BOTH . He was in a class of his own :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Apr 20, 2015 09:26:29 #
no propaganda please
Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun
archie bunker wrote:
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking reading through this!! Good job!! :thumbup:
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Apr 20, 2015 14:09:33 #
Apr 20, 2015 14:42:49 #
Apr 20, 2015 17:37:51 #
PoppaGringo wrote:
Poor little bobby. I can now understand why you are always in such a funk.
Perhaps this will cheer you up.
I bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week.
Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
Perhaps this will cheer you up.
I bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week.
Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
and you are still alive after telling your wife thatt??? :roll: :roll: :roll:
Apr 20, 2015 19:12:26 #
badbobby wrote:
and you are still alive after telling your wife thatt??? :roll: :roll: :roll:
Si. Poor thing died of a heart attack thus sparing me.
Apr 20, 2015 20:04:18 #
PoppaGringo wrote:
Si. Poor thing died of a heart attack thus sparing me.
aint goin there :roll:
Apr 20, 2015 20:12:37 #
badbobby wrote:
aint goin there :roll:
Why not? I surmise she went 'up' rather than 'down'.
Apr 20, 2015 20:16:34 #
PoppaGringo wrote:
Why not? I surmise she went 'up' rather than 'down'.
still aint goin there
Apr 20, 2015 21:14:04 #
badbobby wrote:
still aint goin there
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to k**l.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
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