A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a
large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog
and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think? I had an elephant. So because I'm retired and have little to do,
on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I
stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
COSTCO won't let me shop there anymore. Better
watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired
friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a
large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog
and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think? I had an elephant. So because I'm retired and have little to do,
on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I
stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
COSTCO won't let me shop there anymore. Better
watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired
friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a
large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog
and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think? I had an elephant. So because I'm retired and have little to do,
on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I
stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
COSTCO won't let me shop there anymore. Better
watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired
friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

Reminds me of another guy on the Purina diet. The man's wife bought him Purina every few days at the Pet shop. The owner warned her repeatedly that eating the dog food would k**l him.
One day, she stopped coming in. A few months later the shop owner ran into her in the grocery store buying human food. He stated: "I;m certainly glad your husband got over his dog food thing." She replied, "my husband died."
He said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I warned you that food would k**l him."
She replied, "it wasn't the food. He was laying in the road licking his balls and a truck ran over him."

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a
large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog
and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think? I had an elephant. So because I'm retired and have little to do,
on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I
stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
COSTCO won't let me shop there anymore. Better
watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired
friends...it will be their laugh for the day!