rumitoid wrote:
First, sorry for the delay; had friends over and could not get back to the thread. Second, a general heartfelt thank you to ALL who responded, no matter the opinion voiced. Third, I was remiss not to describe the regret.
Over ten years of marriage my problem with alcohol steadily progressed despite frequent efforts and endless promises to quit. My wife finally had enough and asked me to leave until I stayed sober. We had a family talk with our daughter the night I was to leave; bad strategy. After it finally dawned on her exactly what was happening, she had a look of total devastation and immediately started crying so hard she could barely catch her breath. That image has haunted me for 34 years. It comes unexpectedly and feels like a quick jab to the gut. That night was just the start to her pain. For the next two and a half years my wife and I would get back together and split, back together and split: each of these episodes were extremely hard on my daughter. I saw her change from a very happy and easy going young girl to be quite quiet and withdrawn, something she still has a tendency to repeat under stress. I feel it was irreparable damage to her character, although she went on to be successful, never had a problem with drugs or alcohol, and now seems happy and content with her husband and two children.
Thank you for the great advice Archie, Armagedden, bigmtman, BigMike, melbell, and Ipnmajor; you'll never know how much I appreciate it. The regret does no one any good and in a way it seems p***eful, as if I am saying how could I possibly have acted in such a human way. And then it also seems like a penance that has not yet run its course. With the recent worries about my daughter giving birth, that regret appeared to strengthen. I will make a renewed effort to let it go, both through prayer and meditation. Thanks again for the support. But aren't old guys allowed to whine and mope?
First, sorry for the delay; had friends over and c... (
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Very dangerous for me. Moping means I'm looking for an excuse to drink, and I'm a hope-to-die alcoholic and addict. Like I said, I've made friends with my sorrows and regrets. I can shed tears and it feels