Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

Outrunning the Law

A man in his mid-forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says: “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer, and walked away.

https://www.ba-bamail.com/jokes/police-jokes/?jokeid=722

XXX Loc: Somewhere north of the Mason-Dixon

F.D.R.

Sometimes it works. Years ago late at night I was doing 90 mph on the Jersey Turnpike bridge between Newark and Bayonne when a trooper pulled me over and asked "where's the fire?" I told him there's no fire but I Really need to get to a bathroom. He replied, "I know just how you feel, follow me". He pulled in front and put his flashers on and we sped to the exit and into the nearest gas station where he waited for me to get the restroom key then left. We didn't even stop to pay the toll.

2quick4u Loc: Somewhere in central Tx...

This a conversation between a man and his girlfriend. Please note that she asks five or six questions which he answers quite simply.

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about three

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!)

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 - correct?
Man: Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?
Man: Correct

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.

Man: Where is your airplane?

Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa