slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me downtown the night before last:

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled
the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when
I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .

She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head .. isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what you'd done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.

(That made his day!)

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
future possible targets.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not k*****g you...but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

Semper Fi

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

sweet revenge

grandma Loc: U.S.A.

Beautiful.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

ed4short Loc: New Hampshire

That guy holding up the veteran is one lucky bastard as his life was spared.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Especially considering the Veteran was carrying a 911!

LostAggie66 Loc: Corpus Christi, TX (Shire of Seawinds)

Yep Sweet

Rose42

billy a Loc: South Florida

Quality, not quantity posting, eh, Slat ? 🇺🇲

Big Kahuna

Wonttakeitanymore

Love it!! Should have published his phone number and his mommas address for a giant free day to shop!

Wonttakeitanymore

When he’s not political he posts cool stuff

Bassman65

Nice

Ron G

An old story. Good none the less. Semper Fidelis

pegw

I sincerely hope this is not a work of fiction.