The speed with which a woman says "nothing," when asked what's wrong, is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh*t storm that's coming.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
My 60-yr. kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 195 lbs. I've gained.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a big bra and ask to "fill this out?"
Dennys has a slogan: "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Dennys on your birthday, your life sucks.
On average, an American male will have sex 2-3 times a week; whereas, a Japanese man will have sex 2-3 times a year. This is devastating to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.
I can't understand how women are okay that J.C. Penny has an older woman's clothing line name 'Sag Harbor.'
What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their nose?
When I die, I want to be reincarnated as a spider, so I can finally hear a woman say, "Oh, my God...its huge!"
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