slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Christmas has changed. When I was a kid growing up in New Hampshire, Black Friday had nothing to do with shopping. It just meant that they were serving something in the school cafeteria that they started cooking too early, and finished cooking too late.

"What is that?"

"Ham, corn and potatoes."

"Which one is the ham?"

We did not have Cyber Monday either. To us, a world wide web would have contained one mother of a spider. Even if we had known what the internet was, we would not have been able to order things from it, because we could not access it on our t***sistor radios that got just one static-filled station and only if you were standing near a large window with tinfoil on your head.

We didn't have a lot of huge electronic sales either. The most technologically advanced toy you could hope to find under the tree was one of those train sets that came with a 6-ft. oval track that never fit together right so the train wouldn't start, wouldn't start, wouldn't start, then lunged forward and fell over.

"Yea...oh."

"Yea...oh." Stomp, stomp, stomp.

The other big wow toy was the new, hours of fun electric football game-the one where you stood all the players on a raised, painted magnetic metal field then turned on the buzzing, vibrating field activator and cheered as all the players turned in circles uncontrollably, bumping into each other until they fell over. Not that far from some actual football players, I guess.

Technology for girls included dolls that closed their eyes when you leaned them backwards and wet themselves when you gave them a bottle, which was fun for boys to watch if the girl happened to be too close to the electric football game when the doll lost plastic bladder control, as the girl would start vibrating uncontrollably until she closed her eyes and wet herself.

"Should we turn off the football game activator?"

"Not until smoke starts coming out of her ears."

Pre-online shopping was called "hey, get in line, buddy" shopping. And, we didn't have malls. You went downtown to Main Street where you ran into people holding fistfuls of cash because credit cards were still in the beta stage until someone could figure out what to call them.

"The Copper Card?"..."The Nickel Card?"..."The Brass Card?"

And, if you couldn't find what you wanted at FW Woolworth, JJ Newberry's or Western Auto, you could order things in person at the Montgomery Ward catalog store, where you stood at pedestals that held huge catalogs that were chained up to prevent people from taking them home to use in their outhouses. When you found something you wanted to order, you filled out a form and gave it to the sales guy.

"What are the chances of getting this delivered by Christmas?"

"This Christmas? The one that's just a few days away? Ha!"

Can't you fly it in overnight or something?"

"Flying gifts is Santa' job. Next!"

We did, of course, have telephones that we could use to order stuff, but unlike today they did not reside in your pocket. They were either attached to the wall or sat on a telephone stand and you could only move about three feet because that's how long the cord was. When you did make a call the most amazing thing happened--a live person answered it.

"Sears & Roebuck. How may I direct your call?"

"Could I have the toy department, please?"

"Sure. HEY NED, TELL SOMEONE FROM THE TOY DEPARTMENT THEY HAVE A PHONE CALL."

Phones did not have Muzak yet, so sometimes the operator would hum Christmas carols, or she would simply put the phone on her desk and you could hear her rummage through her purse for a nail clipper.

"Clip, clip, clip. File, file, file. HEY NED, DID YOU TELL THE TOY DEPARTMENT THEY HAVE PHONE CALL?"

"Toy department."

"Hi. I was wondering if you have..."

"All we got left is one train set with 6-ft. oval track...only one piece is missing. And we have one new hours of fun electric vibrating football game but the off switch is broken, and we have a couple of sleepy & wetty dolls. One sleeps, the other wets"

"Perfect...do you wrap?"

By Ernie Witham

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

I thought this was going to be about the times before the Ice Age, as it referenced "back in my day" :mrgreen: :-P :)

That is your "day", correct?

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

If it pleases you, you just received an icy glare. :hunf: :wink:

Hemiman Loc: Communist California

Ouch........ :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

I have an electric heater to warm your ice. :idea: :twisted:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

:lol: 8-) :roll: :lol: 8-) :roll:

I did not inquire about possible prehistoric animals.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I have been referred to as a Neanderthal. :oops:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Only in your music. :shock: :mrgreen:

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Oh, you mean the 'Golden Age of Music?' :mrgreen:

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

I thought it would only be antediluvian.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

Is her memory bank sufficient to recall that far back? After all, she is quite young yu' know.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

I tried to tell him how very nice and sweet you are.. :thumbup:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

i am becoming inured to their attitude. I no longer have sufficient funds to purchase the tissues necessary to clean my tears. :shock: :cry: :XD:

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

You pore pore child. Lay your pore hurt head on my shoulderbone and cry it out. I will defend you from their vile behavior.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

Would you prefer to be sent tissues or the funds with which to purchase them yourself. We don't like to envision you all teary-eyed.