Warning: Alerts to threats in Europe: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.'...

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' The English have not been a 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to "Let's Get the Bastards.' They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white f**g factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'

The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose.'

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from 'No Worries' to 'She'll be alright, Mate.' Two more escalation levels remain: 'Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!', and 'The barbie is cancelled.' So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

I love it. It has been some time since I have guffawed so heartedly. Thanks for posting it.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

PoppaGringo wrote:

I love it. It has been some time since I have guffawed so heartedly. Thanks for posting it.

I can't keep myself from laughing every time I read or even think about this piece. :lol: Heck, I guess I've been 'guffawing', myself :!:

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

slatten49 wrote:

I can't keep myself from laughing every time I read or even think about this piece. :lol: Heck, I guess I've been guffawing, myself :!:

I just reread it. I was laughing so hard the first time I missed some of it.

Grugore

slatten49 wrote:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' The English have not been a 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to "Let's Get the Bastards.' They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white f**g factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'

The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose.'

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from 'No Worries' to 'She'll be alright, Mate.' Two more escalation levels remain: 'Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!', and 'The barbie is cancelled.' So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to r... (show quote)

I've seen this before. Always good for a laugh.

grace scott

PoppaGringo wrote:

I just reread it. I was laughing so hard the first time I missed some of it.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

Grugore wrote:

I've seen this before. Always good for a laugh.

I guess that goes with getting old, I have been on OPP for a year and a half and every joke that has been posted I have heard before but I still enjoyed them again

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

slatten49 wrote:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' The English have not been a 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to "Let's Get the Bastards.' They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white f**g factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'

The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose.'

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from 'No Worries' to 'She'll be alright, Mate.' Two more escalation levels remain: 'Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!', and 'The barbie is cancelled.' So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to r... (show quote)

Everyone keeps posting they have seen this before. I have not. It is so perfectly accurate in the descriptions. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Mom8052 Loc: Lost in the mountains of New Mexico

slatten49 wrote:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' The English have not been a 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to "Let's Get the Bastards.' They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white f**g factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'

The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose.'

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from 'No Worries' to 'She'll be alright, Mate.' Two more escalation levels remain: 'Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!', and 'The barbie is cancelled.' So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to r... (show quote)

*****************
Thank you for my morning chuckle.

tmcsea1

This is hilarious, now I know some of you jokers can come up with some good ones about the US of America under the obummer administration. Please.............I can't wait to see what you come up with :-)

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

AuntiE wrote:

Everyone keeps posting they have seen this before. I have not. It is so perfectly accurate in the descriptions. :lol: :lol: :lol:

you didn't spend enough time in the military one of the best educations you can get

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

slatten49 wrote:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' The English have not been a 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to "Let's Get the Bastards.' They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white f**g factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'

The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose.'

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from 'No Worries' to 'She'll be alright, Mate.' Two more escalation levels remain: 'Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!', and 'The barbie is cancelled.' So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to r... (show quote)

You left out the Irish, who's usual threat level is "what?" and has been raised to "here now!". The only higher threat level is "them's fight'n words!" and occurs nightly at the local pub. Terrorists only have daylight hours in which to function, because 15 minutes after the sun goes down, every Irishman ( and most Irish women ) will be looking to punch their tickets for them.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

lpnmajor wrote:

You left out the Irish, who's usual threat level is "what?" and has been raised to "here now!". The only higher threat level is "them's fight'n words!" and occurs nightly at the local pub. Terrorists only have daylight hours in which to function, because 15 minutes after the sun goes down, every Irishman ( and most Irish women ) will be looking to punch their tickets for them.

Being of Irish and Scottish descent, I find little to argue with in what you say. 8-) :lol:

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

slatten49 wrote:

Being of Irish and Scottish descent, I find little to argue with in what you say. 8-) :lol:

you too? but for me throw in a little English,Welch, and Mohawk too

Grugore

AuntiE wrote:

Everyone keeps posting they have seen this before. I have not. It is so perfectly accurate in the descriptions. :lol: :lol: :lol:

I remember one about the new Italian tank they developed. It's a wonder of modern technology. It even has 12 gears. 3 forward, and 9 reverse.