Peaver Bogart Loc: Montana

was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Charlie, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no of course not !

I had stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s arse and a car hit me !

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

That shop won’t let me go there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say

WinkyTink Loc: Hill Country, TX

Brilliant.

keepuphope Loc: Idaho

That was funny

American Vet

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

Excellent!

Reminds me of many years ago when I took an Educational Psychology course at the University. Anyway, there was a good pub right outside the campus and after everyone in the class had finished taking the final exam we all decided to head to the pub for a drink. The course instructor was very well-liked by all the students so a few of them asked her to join us at the pub. We're all walking together to the corner to cross the street for the pub. Anyway, there was a blind man with his seeing-eye dog who stepped off the curb while the light was red. A couple of students grabbed him and pulled him back to safety before a car could hit him. He was very appreciative and then he reached into his pocket to give his dog a treat. Our professor jumped right in and said, "Mister, what are you doing? That dog almost got you k**led by crossing against a red light and you're giving him a treat? Don't you know that you are reinforcing his behavior so that he might do this again? The blind man replied, "I'm not reinforcing anything. I trying to find which end is his head so I can kick him in the ass!"

keepuphope Loc: Idaho

Lol

nonalien1 Loc: Mojave Desert

My dog likes Old Roy from Walmart. I bought every kind of dog food in the store and that's what he likes. I've been told he named it after his hunting dog but I think he named it after his horse.

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

Or it's made in Belgium.

Doctor Dave Loc: Madisonville, Tx.

I just spewed a sprite out of my nose, that was funny.