no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Parents
Let's sing the praises of the 'odd ducks' out there

By Jason F. Wright
Published November 07, 2014

You walk in the chapel Sunday and sit by yourself. Even if you’re near someone, you still feel alone. You look around at others smiling about their weeks and high-speed downloading the delicious details of their interesting lives.

Face it: You're an odd duck. And you’re often invisible, swimming in a sea of normal ducks.

Are you a teen? It’s even worse. You walk into school every day and, if you're lucky, someone will call you by your real name and ask to borrow a pen. But besides that exchange, on most days when you hear your name, it’s preceded by a nickname that flushes your face. It doesn’t help that nothing you own came from Hollister; your threads came from your brother two summers ago.

Every single day, every single one of us pass by those who feel completely out of place, so different from anyone around them and desperate to simply be recognized.

You just wish someone knew that your mother is dying, or that your parents have been fighting round-the-clock and you try not to hear them late at night, but it's difficult when the shouting is followed by another broken bowl. Or, perhaps, there’s no shouting because your parents hardly speak.

Sound familiar?

These ducks are all around us and they come in all ages, colors and sizes. Chances are at some point you’ve been an odd duck, too.

Last month while speaking at a school assembly, I took a moment before the students entered the large auditorium and placed a small rubber duck on a bench on the stage.

Midway through my presentation, while talking about something completely unrelated, I casually picked up the duck and dropped it into a box that held several other props.

Then, at the end of my remarks, I asked how many of the students had observed something unusual on the stage earlier in the program. Out of several hundred students, only a few hands popped up. A remarkable few had indeed noticed and been curious about the odd, lonely duck.

“I've been that duck,” I told them. “How many of you have ever felt invisible, too?”

Courageous hands everywhere slowly rose.

At different times in my life, I’ve been both the odd duck that almost no one sees and the person too preoccupied to notice.

When I was the about the age of my audience, my father died a week before the start of Christmas break. My mother gave me those cold days off to find smooth water before returning to my routine in January. Just before classes ended, she suggested I visit school and pick up some work to both keep my mind busy and to keep my grades from sinking.

I didn’t know how many students were aware my father had died, but I assumed word had circulated and that at least most of the kids in my grade had heard the rumors. I walked in a fog down the hallway, navigating my way to the teacher who’d gathered the assignments.

I’ll never forget it. I wore my father’s heavy wool overcoat and wondered if anyone would say anything to me, how I would respond, or if anyone would see me at all. Rounding a corner on the second floor, a girl I didn't know emerged from a pack of kids and put her hand on my shoulder: “Are you OK?"

They were probably the first three words she'd ever spoken to me. And though it was more than 20 years ago, I can visualize with Kodachrome clarity exactly how the exchange took place. I choked back tears, smiled at her and moved on.

I was the oddest of ducks that day, and she’d seen me. She’d lived the duck doctrine.

Every single day, every single one of us pass by those who feel completely out of place, so different from anyone around them and desperate to simply be recognized. In most cases, the ducks we encounter don't need trumpet tributes, red carpets or parades. And they don't need to be fawned over or treated as if they are projects-to-be-assembled like some paint-by-number craft.

They just need someone to see them, to look them in the eye and to call them by name. In many cases, that might be all they need to feel a little less like a duck, and a lot more like a swan.

It’s the duck doctrine, and take it from a perpetually odd duck, it works.


For some time the emphasis has been on stopping the bullying and h**eful activity against t*********r and homosexual kids, but it is so easy to forget that other kids get bullied too, and nasty comments are said behind their backs, and insults to their faces. There is a sixth grade girl locally who has been humiliated for a couple of years for her size. She is 6'4" at 12. Another girl stutters horribly and is humiliated daily for this speech problem. think of the 14 year old boy who is called "girlie" because he is only 5'1" tall. or the child with a major burn scar on his face. No attention is ever paid toward including them in the school activities, nor helping them make friends. These kids are out there, and they need your care and concern too. Teach your children and grandchildren to put as much, or more, emphasis on including them, as they do on the child with g****r confusion. In the long run, it will help everone.
Thank you.
SWMBO

dennisimoto Loc: Washington State (West)

Thank you for making me think.

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

I was never made aware that ONLY t*********red or gay children were bullied. I guess I missed that memo. When ever that happened, I'm sure the reason was because some redneck decided that those kids "asked for it", or some other goofy reason.

Since there never was, nor is there, any valid reason for ANY child to be bullied, what they're bullied about is irrelevant. Thanks for reminding us - that even kids who don't deserve it - get bullied too.

cant beleve Loc: Planet Kolob

Teaching kids to reach out and see others as equals,that's something our kids teachers either are afraid of addressing, or are not interested in.
I found out when I went to a child's psychiatric ward,that a girl I knew had stopped eating. Kids cruelty had taken their toll and she was taking out the despair on herself. Thanks for this message. Kids can be sooo cruel. :thumbup:

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

So can adults. Just look at how some people on OPP aproach other peoples concerns and problems

She Wolf Loc: Currently Georgia

Teaching kids to reach out and see others as equals should begin in the home long before they begin school. My child was taught to respect other human beings. Words can shape a person's entire life. Words have power.

I never fit in at high school. Thank goodness I graduated at 16. I was concerned with greater issues than football. I found most of my peers to be immature and a little silly. However, I was taught by my parents to be respectful of other people's feelings. As my mother was constantly telling me: We are snow flakes, all made in Gods image. Never assume you know what a person should do unless you live their life . I have not always lived up to this advice as I have a horrid temper but I do try.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

I really never fit in in school either, partially since I was 5'10' and awkward in sixth grade and never pretty. On top of that I liked snakes (still do) and spiders (still do) and neither is very ladylike. Since my dad was a country veterinarian, I could also deliver calves, stitch up injured livestock, and geld horses by the time I was twelve. I can still do all those things, am still ugly but at 70 it doesn't matter, and I am still married to the same man and NPP still loves me, what else could a woman ask for? SWMBO

She Wolf Loc: Currently Georgia

Shame I was an army brat and never got to stay in one place. We could have been friends. In the eighth grade I was 5'9" and very skinny. I think I know every skinny joke ever written.

I would have found your knowledge very interesting. My dad fought the Army to get my squirrel monkey allowed into this country. My Mom said because of me our house was a zoo. If we had met then, you would have had one best friend.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

We have had a close friend for over twenty years. she also likes snakes, and will study and handle them for hours, partially because she is an artist and paints dog portraits, show dogs only, but also does nature studies. she says snakes are the hardest things to draw to capture the power of their bodies and how they move. she breeds and shows dogs, mainly conformation, we do obedience work and train therapy dogs so it works out great. Yes, we could all have been friends, and terrorized the boys when we were kids. I decked a boy when I was in 6th grade and he made fun of a friend of mine who was a dwarf, so I guess I really am an odd duck and mighty proud of it

Blacksheep

The Ducks of Oddness, a gathering of the bullied.

I was one of the bullied, at school, at home, pretty much everywhere, but that's just how it was and is and will continue to be. Humans didn't make it to the top of the food chain by being nice, not to each other and not to the world at large, and complaining about having been bullied or commiserating with others who have also been bullied is an exercise in weakness.

I found ways, occasionally, to both get even and scare off further attacks. Without going into all the details, I nearly k**led one kid, who carried the scars for the rest of his life, and damaged a few others pretty good. Violence works well for me against people who want to harm me, but complaining about mistreatment doesn't get me anything except sneers.

You either accept reality or you don't. Don't get mad, get even. There's huge satisfaction and a genuine sense of being healed when you set a bully up to go to prison for a few years, or suffer some nasty "accident". Turning the other cheek is for people who like getting beat on, because the bully will always be happy to hit you again. There's no lesson learned there.

There's no healing, either, in sharing your miserable experiences with each other. All that does is deepen the neurosis.

Bullies are sociopaths. They like hurting you and never ever feel any guilt about it at all. What you have to do is hurt them real good, set them up to be caught in a criminal act, cut a brake line so they'll crash, or just keep sticking a knife in their tires, k**l their dog, wh**ever it takes to scare them into leaving you alone, but mostly, wh**ever it takes to give you revenge.

angery american Loc: Georgia

We have something in common besides not being liberal democrats......I too was bullied in school, but never by the same person after the first time....I was fortunate to be raised in a time when fighting or defending yourself wasn't a criminal offense....I was constantly getting paddling s for fighting....I was rather small for my age and larger boys thought it was fun to aggravate or pick on me. It is double bad for a larger boy to get his ass kicked by a smaller boy...and most embarrassing too....I have had my butt kicked , but I have always gave as good as I got and most of the time I did more damage, because I was fast and could really hit hard for my size...I have never been afraid to mix it up, and even today at 68 I rarely take any bulls**t from anyone....I have tough all my 4 of my kids to never start a fight but never run from one either....I also tough them how to fight if necessary , but also to respect other peoples rights and be polite to all people....The are all grown , but still say yes mam yes sir, no mam and no sir and THANK YOU....The problem in schools today is kids can't defend themselves without it being a federal offense...So they have to put up with bullies, because a bully will always be a bully until someone gets his attention... :thumbup:

rumitoid

Good piece, NPP, seriously. Thought provoking and needed in this and any forum. Thank you.