debeda

Biden delivers his State of the Union speech from an alternate universe. By Mike Huckabee

Last night, President Biden gave his first State of the Union Address. At least, I think he did. I tuned in to watch, and something bizarre happened. I believe due to some weird atmospheric anomaly, my satellite dish picked up a SOTU Address by a totally different President Biden speaking from an alternate universe.

In this parallel universe, the alt-President Biden spent the past year strengthening international relations and the past few months working with our allies to get sanctions in place that have Vladimir Putin and his Ukrainian invasion plans on the ropes. In our universe, our President Biden pulled a botched Afghanistan withdrawal without consulting our allies and signaled that America was an unreliable partner (there was also that business with the submarines that ticked off France.) Our Biden admitted just last week that the sanctions, which he waited too long to impose, didn’t work, as Putin enters his seventh day of ramping up his horrific assault on Ukraine.

In the alternate universe, a record number of new jobs were created last year. In this universe, people returned to their old jobs that were artificially shut down by the government, but we’re still millions short of where we were before the p******c.

In the alternate universe, the House chamber was filled with unmasked people. In our universe, many kids are still forced to wear masks in school, despite even “Saturday Night Live” now admitting they made very little difference.

In the alternate universe, alt-President Biden promotes buying American and cracking down on i*****l i*********n. In our universe, Trump did those things and Biden called him a r****t and a xenophobe.

In the alternate universe, inflation can be cured by ordering businesses to lower their costs while also forcing them to raise wages and pay much higher taxes. In our universe, inflation is caused by the government printing too much money, and wages and taxes actually are two of the biggest costs of doing business.

In the alternate universe, C***D is not a reason for Americans to be divided. In our universe, it’s a reason to demonize people, fire them from their jobs, and refuse them medical care.

In the alternate universe, Biden denounces i*****l i*********n and skyrocketing crime and calls for more funding for police and gets standing ovations from the Democrats. In our universe, Biden opened the borders, denounced our border guards as whip-cracking r****ts, wants to tear down the border wall, and secretly disperses i*****l a***ns by plane all over America under cover of darkness. And the crime waves are in Democrat-run cities where l*****t DA’s have actually made crime legal while Democrats defunded the police. Democrats applauding our Biden for vowing to crack down on i*****l i*********n and fund the police would be like a gang of arsonists applauding their leader for vowing to do something about the problem of how it’s getting really hot in here.

In the alternate universe, President Biden will take action to reduce the cost of insulin. In our universe, Biden reversed a Trump executive order that reduced the cost of insulin.

In the alternate universe, Biden will take swift action to fix long-standing problems like infrastructure and veterans’ care that in our universe d**gged on for eight long years under Obama and Biden.

In the alternate universe, “Build Back Better” and the federal takeover of e******ns are apparently still alive.

In the alternate universe, the Trump-era tax cut benefited only the ultra-rich. In our universe, it gave a huge amount of tax relief to the poor and middle class, with many having their income tax burdens eliminated entirely, while the rich ended up paying a larger percentage of taxes.

The alt-VP Harris stands and applauds the ideas of cracking down on crime and funding the police. Our VP Harris raised money for a fund to bail r****rs out of jail.

In our universe, the people looking at an empty chair where family members used to be included the families of 13 military members needlessly k**led in Afghanistan. Since they weren’t mentioned, I assume (and hope) that never happened in their universe.

And the most glaring differences of all: in the alternate universe, the state of the union is strong, and President Biden is competent, popular, gets thunderous applause and standing ovations, and can talk for a solid hour. Oh, and Ukrainians are known as “Iranians.”

Now, the big question: How do I get out of this universe and live in that one until 2024?

microphor Loc: Home is TN

Same thing happened for me but you managed to stay awake! Amazing!

woodguru

Let's see, trump blathered on for two insufferable hours, never any message about solidarity, only support for his cult worshipping followers...

This was as many foreign nations have concurred, a breath of fresh air.

debeda

😂🤣😂🤣😂

debeda

You obviously didn't read the article so buzz off.

Wonttakeitanymore

Presidents Trumps speeches are always uplifting and followed thru with promises! Ventriloquist dummy just blathers lies!

microphor Loc: Home is TN

Hahahaha, what foreign nations concurred Biden is breath of fresh air? Fool maybe!

Antimarxist21

If only....

Antimarxist21

Trump rocks, Biden has no cojones or backbone -- everyone who is anyone knows that.

debeda

FACT!!!👍👍

debeda

👍👍👍😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

debeda

Yes!!

debeda

👍👍👍👍👍

Blade_Runner Loc: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

Haven't you heard, Donald Trump is no longer POTUS, hasn't been for over a year.

Tis a shame though, you never understood a word he said when he was POTUS,
you had to have CNN t***slate for you.

Regarding FJB's SOTU speech, it was really a STFU PLEASE speech.

Confused Old Man Yells at Nation for an Hour

Daniel Greenfield

3,720 seconds of lies, fearmongering, and malapropisms.

Wed Mar 2, 2022

A confused political hack from Delaware staged a one-man i**********n by invading the sacred precincts of the Capitol building, hijacking all the TV networks, and yelling that the planet would be destroyed unless we gave him all our money so he could burn it and turn it into g***n e****y.

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr, who loves the sound of his voice more than his crackhead son or the bastard grandchild of a stripper, had already inflicted the second longest opening address in the history of this nation with a 2021 marathon address that k**led more brain cells than meth.

Like the star of a slasher movie sequel, Biden Jr., returned to ramble through a worse sequel, but kept it down to a mere hour and two minutes of torture. The two minutes are significant because when you have to endure the Vogon poetry of word salads, non-sequiturs, mumbles, grumbles, malapropisms, and random interjections, 120 extra seconds is an eternity.

During those 3,720 seconds of lies, fearmongering, and malapropisms, Biden took credit for defeating C***D, Putin, and the English language. While v***ses and nations can’t be defeated with hot air, English never stands a chance once Biden’s mouth gets its slimy tongue on it.

With the National Guard having safely secured Washington D.C. and locked down the U.S. Capitol, there was no room for anyone to escape no matter how badly they wanted to.

Unless they refused to take a C***D test.

Despite that, Congress appeared empty and the applause hollow. Some members had failed to show. Others kept their distance from each other as if malaise and failure were catching.

Biden, whose minions had met the threat of a Freedom Convoy of half a dozen trucks on their way to D.C. by summoning 800 National Guardsmen, began by asserting that, “freedom will always triumph over tyranny.” The best evidence of that was the complete collapse of mask mandates and the entire C***D public health security state that Biden had touted last year.

That and Biden’s poll numbers which are so far south they practically qualify as i*****l a***ns.

With the price of gas, homes, and groceries out of the reach of most Americans, Biden began by taking credit for doing nothing to stop Putin from invading Ukraine. And then vowed that he, along with a coalition of “freedom loving nations” would fight Putin until the last Ukrainian.

Or until their social media people run out of hashtags.

Biden, who confused the Iranians and the Ukranians, spent more time bragging about plans to seize the yachts of Russian oligarchs than Truman spent declaring victory after WWII.

Putin “may make gains on the battlefield,” Biden argued, but “he will pay a continuing high price over the long run”. Sure. Vlad may take Ukraine, but Biden will take his yacht. During his unhinged tirade, Biden revealed a plan to end women’s sports in America, but failed to name one thing that would actually stop Putin.

Except locking Vladimir in a room and forcing him to listen to a Biden speech.

"Putin will never gain the hearts and minds of the Iranian people!" Biden vowed. Much as Biden will never gain the hearts and minds of the American people, but has a shot with the Iranians.

After foreign policy, Biden turned to a subject he understood even less, economics. Trying to relate to the ordinary people whose lives and fortunes he had wrecked, he asserted that, "my dad had to leave his home in Scranton, Pennsylvania to find work or like many of you."

Biden's alcoholic father was a successful executive with his uncle's company who ran through a series of failed independent ventures before becoming a used car salesman.

Like many of you.

Having nailed down his working class cred, Biden began touting his various pork boondoggles, past, present, and future which helped push the national debt past $30 trillion. Deep in inflationary territory, Biden relaunched a pitch for his Build Back Better plan including spending billions to build 500,000 electric car chargers for the starving Tesla owners of California.

Cong*****lly unable to take responsibility for a single damn thing, Biden blamed inflation, high prices, and everything wrong with the economy on some sort of corporate conspiracy.

The doddering failure-in-chief wanted to talk about a lot of things, but like most politicians what he really wanted was our money.

All of it if he can get it, lots of it if he can’t.

More money for his g***n e****y donors who want to wreck our energy grid and put the cost of heating and cooling our homes out of reach. And then more electric cars so that no one who earns less than six figures will be able to afford a car. Then subsidized child care which even his allies have warned will price the cost of child care out of the reach of middle class families.

With inflation out of control, Biden proposed pushing it even higher with a minimum wage hike and mandatory unionization and the end of freelancers through the PRO Act.

Then it was time for Biden to declare victory in the p******c. Rapidly changing science proved that the v***s no longer spreads around State of the Union addresses, enabling the CDC to urge Americans to just follow the science, take off their masks, and v**e for Joe Biden.

It’s the science!

“We can end the shutdown of schools and businesses. We have the tools we need,” Biden declared. The tools in question are polls that show even Democrats would rather french kiss a rattlesnake than wear masks at public events or do another year of virtual unlearning.

Biden then wrapped up the extended torture session that would have broken any of the Al Qaeda terrorists he recently freed from Gitmo by calling for open borders, i*****l a***n amnesty, a******n, and conducting g****r experiments on young children. Then he closed by invoking God. At least unlike at the p**********l debates, he didn't invoke Allah.

At this point, not even Allah wants to be associated with the Biden administration.

Squinting in defiant confusion, Biden angrily concluded by shouting, "Go get him."

The dozens of people watching were left to wonder whether he was talking to the voices in his head, an imaginary leprechaun, or his handlers in Beijing.

Americans meanwhile have already spoken.

In a USA Today poll, the top response from registered v**ers asking what they want Biden to do in the next year was, "resign, retire, or quit". Only 5% wanted him to tackle infrastructure, 3% wanted him to address health care, and only 3% were interested in g****l w*****g.

The country doesn’t want any of the clunkers that the son of a used car salesman wants to foist on them. It doesn’t want trillions more in debt so that Biden’s donors can get even richer. It doesn’t want to hear his inane ramblings or listen to his lies. All it wants is for him to go away.

debeda

🤣😂🤣👍👍