Smedley_BuzK**l in retirement
Jan 31, 2022 18:06:54 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
After Smedley retired, his wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women--she loves to browse. Yesterday, Mrs. BuzK**l's lovely wife received the following letter from their local store:
Dear Mrs. BuzK**l,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn, resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
Aug. 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
Aug. 14: Moved a CAUTION-WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area.
Aug. 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
Aug. 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.
Sept. 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
Sept. 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
Oct. 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
Oct. 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
Oct. 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
Oct.21: When an announcement came over the loud-speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least:
Oct. 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" One of the clerks passed out.
Dear Mrs. BuzK**l,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn, resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
Aug. 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
Aug. 14: Moved a CAUTION-WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area.
Aug. 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
Aug. 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.
Sept. 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
Sept. 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
Oct. 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
Oct. 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
Oct. 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
Oct.21: When an announcement came over the loud-speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least:
Oct. 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" One of the clerks passed out.
Jan 31, 2022 18:28:26 #
slatten49 wrote:
After Smedley retired, his wife insisted that he a... (show quote)
You forgot the part where I took a condom to the cashier and asked where the fitting room was.
How about when I got the f**e deputy sheriff's uniform and sat in my car in the parking lot pointing a hair dryer at the customers driving by? I thought that was a good one also.
Jan 31, 2022 19:05:56 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
Smedley_buzk**l wrote:
You forgot the part where I took a condom to the cashier and asked where the fitting room was.
How about when I got the f**e deputy sheriff's uniform and sat in my car in the parking lot pointing a hair dryer at the customers driving by? I thought that was a good one also.
How about when I got the f**e deputy sheriff's uniform and sat in my car in the parking lot pointing a hair dryer at the customers driving by? I thought that was a good one also.
I chose not to go overboard in the observation of your behavior.
Jan 31, 2022 19:13:44 #
Feb 1, 2022 18:39:10 #
Smedley_buzk**l wrote:
You forgot the part where I took a condom to the cashier and asked where the fitting room was.
How about when I got the f**e deputy sheriff's uniform and sat in my car in the parking lot pointing a hair dryer at the customers driving by? I thought that was a good one also.
How about when I got the f**e deputy sheriff's uniform and sat in my car in the parking lot pointing a hair dryer at the customers driving by? I thought that was a good one also.
Chuckle... Did that last one as a teenager... Out on the highway with a pal... No uniform... Just a couple of lawn chairs and a blow dryer
You sound like fun...
Next time, you should divide the bras into "yes please" and "dear God no" sections
Feb 1, 2022 21:50:05 #
slatten49 wrote:
I chose not to go overboard in the observation of your behavior.
Thanks for the laughs. It was much needed!
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