https://babylonbee.com/news/p****r-promises-omicron-v*****e-will-be-ready-in-time-for-their-q1-earnings-report

P****r Promises Omicron V*****e Will Be Ready In Time For Their Q1 Earnings Report

NEW YORK—During their monthly shareholder meeting, P****r announced that an updated v*****e for the Omicron variant will be ready in time for their Q1 Earnings Report.

"We are committed to the longevity of this company," said P****r CEO, Derrick P****r. "As they say in the v*****e business, 'if you're not jabbing, you're lagging.' We understand that endless new v*****es are critical to our bottom line ever since I bought that giant space yacht."

P****r stockholder Bill Gates expressed some confusion that the v*****e wasn't already available. "I know I'm not a doctor, but I sort of invented Windows. It can't be that hard."

P****r's leadership remained firm. "We need to maintain our rigorous testing standards, but we should still be in good shape if we skip animal testing and go straight to children. You can't make an omelet unless you break a few eggs, I always say."

"I invented that phrase," interjected Gates.

According to sources, a loud audible sigh could be heard over the audio feed. "Can we hear from some stockholders who aren't Bill Gates?" asked Derrick P****r.

Several members of Congress proceeded to ask if adding some masks would make the v*****e work better.

Members of the P****r board, speaking remotely from quarantine yachts off the coast of New York, were in agreement that masks were not the same thing as v*****es and you can't mix the two, but they'd ask officials in China to be sure. "We get most of our ideas from them," said one board member.


As an FYI, M*****a, P****r and J&J are making $63,500 per day on v*****es.