M E M O R A N D U M
Sep 25, 2021 10:31:05 #
M E M O R A N D U M
Dear Staff,
ATTIRE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a SlimFast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
SURGERY: As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week!
MANAGEMENT
Dear Staff,
ATTIRE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a SlimFast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
SURGERY: As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week!
MANAGEMENT
Sep 25, 2021 11:22:16 #
Oldsailor65 wrote:
M E M O R A N D U M br br br Dear Staff, br br ... (show quote)
This is exactly why we need powerful unions
Sep 27, 2021 15:51:26 #
Kevyn wrote:
This is exactly why we need powerful unions
WTH...this is why we don't need unions Especially the ones who give mountains of money to the demonrats so they bribe everyone and undermine f**r e******ns.
Sep 27, 2021 16:58:46 #
elledee wrote:
WTH...this is why we don't need unions Especially the ones who give mountains of money to the demonrats so they bribe everyone and undermine f**r e******ns.
Sep 27, 2021 17:26:36 #
FallenOak
Loc: St George Utah
Kevyn wrote:
This is exactly why we need powerful unions
I missed that this is the no politics part so I have removed what I wrote.
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