CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car
May 1, 2021 12:15:34 #
CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car
(Satire from The Babylon Bee)
ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car.
"This guidance is especially important if you're in a large group of people at the park or an outdoor event," said Dr. Stiku Pumybum. "Risk of collisions leading to bone breaks or concussions dramatically increase in large groups of people. Billions could die!"
When pressed regarding what gives the CDC authority to comment on seat belt usage, they clarified that these were simply recommendations based on the latest scientific research, for the sake of public health. When further asked how exactly a seat belt that's not anchored to anything can protect anyone, they replied with a statement saying "SHUT UP IT'S SCIENCE!"
The Federal Government has responded with a nationwide seat belt order for all public parks, buildings, and sidewalks.
"I don't know what's so hard about this," said Biden as his aides handed him a juice box and tightened his 5-point harness. "Just wear the dang seatbelt folks!"
Bob's Quality Seat Belt Company concurred with the CDC findings and confirmed that new "outdoor seatbelts" are now on sale for $59.99.
https://babylonbee.com/news/car-manufacturers-now-recommend-wearing-a-seatbelt-even-when-youre-outside-the-car
And remember....even if you have had a vasectomy wear 2 or 3 condoms!!
(Satire from The Babylon Bee)
ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car.
"This guidance is especially important if you're in a large group of people at the park or an outdoor event," said Dr. Stiku Pumybum. "Risk of collisions leading to bone breaks or concussions dramatically increase in large groups of people. Billions could die!"
When pressed regarding what gives the CDC authority to comment on seat belt usage, they clarified that these were simply recommendations based on the latest scientific research, for the sake of public health. When further asked how exactly a seat belt that's not anchored to anything can protect anyone, they replied with a statement saying "SHUT UP IT'S SCIENCE!"
The Federal Government has responded with a nationwide seat belt order for all public parks, buildings, and sidewalks.
"I don't know what's so hard about this," said Biden as his aides handed him a juice box and tightened his 5-point harness. "Just wear the dang seatbelt folks!"
Bob's Quality Seat Belt Company concurred with the CDC findings and confirmed that new "outdoor seatbelts" are now on sale for $59.99.
https://babylonbee.com/news/car-manufacturers-now-recommend-wearing-a-seatbelt-even-when-youre-outside-the-car
And remember....even if you have had a vasectomy wear 2 or 3 condoms!!
May 1, 2021 12:41:22 #
Oldsailor65 wrote:
CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When Y... (show quote)
I don't think this is satire. I am confident it is their recommendation. Next up, waterproof mask while taking a shower.
May 1, 2021 13:35:06 #
lpnmajor
Loc: Arkansas
Oldsailor65 wrote:
CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When Y... (show quote)
I survived a firing squad, because I was wearing a seat belt. I wear condoms 24/7/365, because one cannot be too careful.
That's especially important, because my willy sometimes goes out without me, so I have no idea what it's been up to.May 1, 2021 13:49:48 #
lpnmajor wrote:
I survived a firing squad, because I was wearing a seat belt. I wear condoms 24/7/365, because one cannot be too careful. That's especially important, because my willy sometimes goes out without me, so I have no idea what it's been up to.
That's especially important, because my willy sometimes goes out without me, so I have no idea what it's been up to.I'm confused...yer willy goes out without you....or goes OFF without you????
May 1, 2021 14:15:58 #
Oldsailor65 wrote:
I'm confused...yer willy goes out without you....or goes OFF without you????
May 1, 2021 23:23:25 #
lpnmajor
Loc: Arkansas
Oldsailor65 wrote:
I'm confused...yer willy goes out without you....or goes OFF without you????
I wouldn't know, since I'm not there, but I suspect both are true.
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