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State jokes, 4th edition
Feb 20, 2021 11:29:13   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Nevada...Las Vegas: All the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.—Jason Love

New Mexico...Traveling outside Taos, a man comes upon a Native American lying in the middle of the road with his ear pressed against the blacktop. “What are you doing?” asks the man.

The tribesman replies, “Woman, late 30s, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 mph.”

“Amazing! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?”

“No,” says the Native American. “They ran over me five minutes ago.”

New York...I moved to New York City for my health. I’m paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified.—Anita Weiss

North Carolina...On his first trip to Boston, the North Carolinian met a girl at a bar and asked her, “Do you go to Harvard?”

The girl responded, “Yale.”

“OK. DO YOU GO TO HARVARD?!”

North Dakota...What’s a seven-course meal in North Dakota? A hamburger and a six-pack.

Ohio...How do you know you’re from Ohio? You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

Oklahoma...How can you tell if an Oklahoman is married? There’s dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

Oregon...Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He notices that some souls go right into Heaven, while Satan throws others into a burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, the Devil tosses him aside. Curious, Howard asks Satan, ”Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into Hell with the others?”

“They’re from Oregon,” Satan replies. “They’re too wet to burn.”

Pennsylvania...What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic.

Rhode Island...Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it, because it ends in 40 feet.

South Carolina...While fishing off Myrtle Beach, a Yankee tourist capsized his boat. Petrified, he yelled to an old guy standing on the shore, “Are there any gators around here?!”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward shore. Halfway there, he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do anything,” the old guy said. "The sharks got 'em."

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Feb 20, 2021 11:55:52   #
RascalRiley
 
slatten49 wrote:
Nevada...Las Vegas: All the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.—Jason Love

New Mexico...Traveling outside Taos, a man comes upon a Native American lying in the middle of the road with his ear pressed against the blacktop. “What are you doing?” asks the man.

The tribesman replies, “Woman, late 30s, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 mph.”

“Amazing! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?”

“No,” says the Native American. “They ran over me five minutes ago.”

New York...I moved to New York City for my health. I’m paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified.—Anita Weiss

North Carolina...On his first trip to Boston, the North Carolinian met a girl at a bar and asked her, “Do you go to Harvard?”

The girl responded, “Yale.”

“OK. DO YOU GO TO HARVARD?!”

North Dakota...What’s a seven-course meal in North Dakota? A hamburger and a six-pack.

Ohio...How do you know you’re from Ohio? You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

Oklahoma...How can you tell if an Oklahoman is married? There’s dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

Oregon...Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He notices that some souls go right into Heaven, while Satan throws others into a burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, the Devil tosses him aside. Curious, Howard asks Satan, ”Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into Hell with the others?”

“They’re from Oregon,” Satan replies. “They’re too wet to burn.”

Pennsylvania...What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic.

Rhode Island...Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it, because it ends in 40 feet.

South Carolina...While fishing off Myrtle Beach, a Yankee tourist capsized his boat. Petrified, he yelled to an old guy standing on the shore, “Are there any gators around here?!”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward shore. Halfway there, he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do anything,” the old guy said. "The sharks got 'em."
Nevada...Las Vegas: All the amenities of modern so... (show quote)


Read all four. Ty

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Feb 20, 2021 11:57:38   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
RascalRiley wrote:
Read all four. Ty

There's a 5th...the last one.

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Feb 20, 2021 12:33:53   #
RascalRiley
 
slatten49 wrote:
There's a 5th...the last one.


I enjoy it as well. Your contribution of humour on this site is a welcome addition

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Feb 20, 2021 14:08:52   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
RascalRiley wrote:
I enjoy it as well. Your contribution of humour on this site is a welcome addition

Thanks, Rascal, as I've always thought the following...

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -- Victor Borge

"The wonderful thing about laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people." -- John Cleese

| Reply
Feb 20, 2021 14:19:08   #
RascalRiley
 
slatten49 wrote:
Thanks, Rascal, as I've always thought the following...

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -- Victor Borge

"The wonderful thing about laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people." -- John Cleese


🙂

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