slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Here are answers gathered from tests about the Old and New Testaments in a Catholic school. Imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintaining her composure. The answers are printed as they were written by the students...pardon the grammatical/spelling errors involved.

In the 1st book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, and the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

The Jews were a proud people, and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic g*****ls.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cynanide to get the ten commandments.

The 1st commandmenst was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The 7th commandment is Thous shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada, then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king who was sk**led at playing the liar. He fought the Findlesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the B****smith dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do unto you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who folllowed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the Oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Lord, please have a sense of humor! :shock: :mrgreen:

karpenter Loc: Headin' Fer Da Hills !!

Hmm....

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

The bill for my medical care will be forthcoming. First, I fell off the sofa laughing. This fall did not stop the uproarious laughing. While rolling on the floor, laughing, I hit my head. I continued in uproarious rolling laughter, at which time I hit my injured wrist. By my count that will be three x-ray's minimum, plus assorted pain medications.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

karpenter Loc: Headin' Fer Da Hills !!

So Velly Solly
Treatment Olly Younger Folk...

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

UncleE needs to understand the "for better or worse" part of his vows. I will check, periodically, on your condition. They will be the only 'checks' you receive as payment for your unfortunate injuries. 8-)

I meant no harm. :oops: :roll:

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

Fortunately, I was forewarned, thus did not grace my computer with my lunch. You do have my sympathy AuntiE.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

He understands part of the "worse" part are people, from a strange state with a love of strange colors, causing injuries to his wife. It does not please him. :twisted: :mrgreen:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

I obviously should have installed a seat belt on my sofa seat, as well as putting down my tea.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I need an audience with UncleE. 8-) He will understand my compassion, benevolence and general good-naturedness.

We stand as 'Brothers' in the 'fight'! :wink: :thumbup:

'HOOK'EM, HORNS"...Burn't Orange, forever! :-P

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Causing injury to AuntiE (liability for you) does not show to him your compassion or benevolence.

He would prefer to avoid a fight within his abode.

Such a TACKY!!!

Geez, I entered orange as the color and it came out yellow.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

Marines aren't 'tacky'ers' they are nailer's.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Hey, I warned you not to not read without proper precautions! :hunf:

Not yellow, but, indeed...a tacky orange. NOT burn't orange. :?

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

His color choice is tacky.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

You told me not to have food or beverages. You were negligent in not mentioning potential falling.

It looks yellow on my iPad. I tried for burnt orange. It would not accept it as a color choice.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

have you contacted Microsoft regarding the available colors?