A little of dis and a little of dat.
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the day!
* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
• It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but wh**ever.
• I run like the winded.
• I h**e when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
Armageddun wrote:
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the day!
* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
• It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but wh**ever.
• I run like the winded.
• I h**e when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the... (
show quote)
Hilarious. Made me laugh out loud and now I may die coughing. Thanx
Armageddun wrote:
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the day!
* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
• It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but wh**ever.
• I run like the winded.
• I h**e when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the... (
show quote)
How in the hell did you know all this stuff about ma????
Armageddun wrote:
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the day!
* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
• It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but wh**ever.
• I run like the winded.
• I h**e when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the... (
show quote)
Thirty seconds in my head... that covers all the rest of these beauties.
Armageddun wrote:
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the day!
* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
• It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but wh**ever.
• I run like the winded.
• I h**e when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the... (
show quote)
I agree with Carol! As I was reading these to my husband, we got to laughing so much that I got to coughing so much that I couldn’t read them!
I want to add to one of them that is so true for us:
The earlier it gets late, the earlier our Early Rising becomes!
Armageddun wrote:
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the day!
* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
• It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but wh**ever.
• I run like the winded.
• I h**e when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the... (
show quote)
All of them are good thanks for the laughs.😂😂😂😂😂
Armageddun wrote:
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the day!
* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.
• It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
• When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but wh**ever.
• I run like the winded.
• I h**e when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
Just some random humor to lift your spirit for the... (
show quote)
Great way to start the day. I can not wait to go downtown and try number 3.
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