Six Lessons for an advanced degree in Management
Jul 10, 2020 10:42:56 #
Six Lessons for an advanced degree in Management
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offers a nun a lift. She gets in the car and crosses her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly has an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slides his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removes his hand. But, changing gears, he lets his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologizes, “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun sighs heavily and goes on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushes to look up Psalm 129. It says, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, “I'll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first, me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She's gone. “Me next, me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Piña Coladas and the love of my life.” Puff! He's gone. “OK, you're up,” the genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle is sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit sees the eagle and asks him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?” The eagle answers: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sits on the ground below the eagle and rests. All of a sudden, a fox appears, jumps on the rabbit and eats it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey is chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree” sighs the turkey, “but I haven't got the energy.” “Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?” replies the bull. “They're packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecks at a lump of dung, and finds it gives him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey is proudly perched at the top of the tree. He is promptly spotted by a farmer, who shoots him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bulls**t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
1. Not everyone who s**ts on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of s**t is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep s**t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offers a nun a lift. She gets in the car and crosses her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly has an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slides his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removes his hand. But, changing gears, he lets his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologizes, “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun sighs heavily and goes on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushes to look up Psalm 129. It says, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, “I'll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first, me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She's gone. “Me next, me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Piña Coladas and the love of my life.” Puff! He's gone. “OK, you're up,” the genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle is sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit sees the eagle and asks him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?” The eagle answers: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sits on the ground below the eagle and rests. All of a sudden, a fox appears, jumps on the rabbit and eats it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey is chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree” sighs the turkey, “but I haven't got the energy.” “Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?” replies the bull. “They're packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecks at a lump of dung, and finds it gives him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey is proudly perched at the top of the tree. He is promptly spotted by a farmer, who shoots him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bulls**t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
1. Not everyone who s**ts on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of s**t is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep s**t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Jul 10, 2020 10:53:48 #
Parky60 wrote:
b Six Lessons for an advanced degree in Managemen... (show quote)
Very good things to know. And since we’re in “deep s**t”, I think I’ll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the day.
Jul 10, 2020 11:22:56 #
proud republican
Loc: RED CALIFORNIA
Parky60 wrote:
b Six Lessons for an advanced degree in Managemen... (show quote)
All lessons are great,but I love the lesson number 2 best!!
Jul 10, 2020 11:30:46 #
bestpal38
Loc: Cedar City, Utah
Carol Kelly wrote:
Very good things to know. And since we’re in “deep s**t”, I think I’ll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the day.
I'm going to try that as well. It's hard for me, but I promise to at least try
Jul 10, 2020 13:02:56 #
Jul 10, 2020 13:03:26 #
Carol Kelly wrote:
Very good things to know. And since we’re in “deep s**t”, I think I’ll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the day.
Jul 10, 2020 13:20:17 #
Carol Kelly wrote:
Very good things to know. And since we’re in “deep s**t”, I think I’ll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the day.
Jul 11, 2020 07:25:29 #
Jul 14, 2020 14:53:55 #
Jul 15, 2020 23:00:12 #
Carol Kelly wrote:
Very good things to know. And since we’re in “deep s**t”, I think I’ll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the day.
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