thebigp

FICTIONAL PLANET
• If a mentally-ill dude pretends to be a woman, you are required to pretend with him.
• It’s un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America.
• Russians influencing our e******ns are bad, but Mexicans v****g in our e******ns are good.
• It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it.
• Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to v**e.
• It’s wrong to steal, but it’s cool to demand that the government steal for you.
• Sexualizing children is bad, but 11-year-old d**g q***ns are good.
• I******s aren't required to show ID, but citizens can't buy cough medicine without it.
• It’s okay for Iran to have nukes, but duck h****rs should turn in their shotguns.
• Citizens are fined if they don’t buy their own health insurance, and then they are forced to buy it for i******s.
• People who have never owned s***es should pay s***ery r********ns to people who have never been s***es.
• Inflammatory rhetoric is outrageous, but harassing people in restaurants is virtuous.
• People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for useless degrees.
• Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome, but you’d better be able to prove your dog is v******ted.
• Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central-American gang-banger who jumps the southern fence is welcome.
• We demand that the government be in control of our health care, but then we are outraged when the government makes our health care decisions.
• $5 billion for border security is too expensive, but $1.5 trillion for “free” health care for i******s is not.
• Men are evil misogynists and a hooker named Stormy Daniels is a national treasure.
• If you c***t to get into college you go to prison, but if you c***t to get into the country you go to college for free.
• Politicians who say that the President is not above the law put i*****l i*******ts above the law.
• Kids can’t bring peanut butter to school, but they can bring measles.
• People who say there is no such thing as g****r are demanding a female President.
• It’s terrible when the President says that Puerto Rico’s politicians are corrupt, but it’s wonderful when Puerto Rico’s politicians are kicked out of office for corruption.
• I******s don’t pay taxes, but they get tax refunds.
• We are $22 trillion dollars in debt, but we should throw money at every perceived problem like drunken sailors.
• We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, and it seems like a great plan to us.
• We demand high minimum wages for unsk**led labor and we demand unlimited i*****l i*********n of people who will work for peanuts.
• V**er suppression is bad, but not allowing the President to be on the b****t is good.
• Fourth-of-July parades are bad, but parades of women dressed as vaginas are good.
• Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born, and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now.
AUTHOR-LANGRIDGE, ROGER