Parky60 Loc: People's Republic of Illinois

A Parents’ Guide to Solving Their Child’s Outrage at the Climate Crisis


After our daughter of fifteen years of age was moved to tears by the speech of Greta Thunberg at the UN, she became angry with our generation “who had been doing nothing for thirty years.”

So, we decided to help her prevent what the girl on TV announced of “massive eradication and the disappearance of entire ecosystems.”

We are now committed to give our daughter a future again, by doing our part to help cool the planet four degrees.

From now on she will go to school on a bicycle, because driving her by car costs fuel, and fuel puts emissions into the atmosphere. Of course, it will be winter soon and then she will want to go by bus, but only as long as it is a diesel bus.

Somehow, that does not seem to be conducive to ‘helping the Climate’.

Of course, she is now asking for an electric bicycle, but we have shown her the devastation caused to the areas of the planet as a result of mining for the extraction of Lithium and other minerals used to make batteries for electric bicycles, so she will be pedaling, or walking. Which will not harm her, or the planet. We used to cycle and walk to school too.

Since the girl on TV demanded “we need to get rid of our dependency on f****l f**ls” and our daughter agreed with her, we have disconnected the heat vent in her room. The temperature is now dropping to twelve degrees in the evening, and will drop below freezing in the winter, we have promised to buy her an extra sweater, hat, tights, gloves and a blanket.

For the same reason we have decided that from now on she only takes a cold shower. She will wash her clothes by hand, with a wooden washboard, because the washing machine is simply a power consumer and since the dryer uses natural gas, she will hang her clothes on the clothes line to dry.

Speaking of clothes, the ones that she currently has are all synthetic, so made from petroleum. Therefore, on Monday, we will take all her designer clothing to the secondhand shop. That, and we have found an eco-store where the only clothing they sell is made from undyed and unbleached linen, wool and jute. It shouldn’t matter that it looks good on her, or that she is going to be laughed at, dressing in colorless, bland clothes and without a wireless bra, but that is the price she has to pay for the benefit of The Climate. And cotton is out of the question, as it comes from distant lands and pesticides are used for it. Very bad for the environment.

We just saw on her Instagram that she’s pretty angry with us. This was not our intention.

From now on, at 7 p.m. we will turn off the WiFi and we will only switch it on again the next day after dinner for two hours. In this way we will save on electricity, so she is not bothered by electro-stress and will be totally isolated from the outside world. This way, she can concentrate solely on her homework. At eleven o’clock in the evening we will pull the breaker to shut the power off to her room, so she knows that dark is really dark. That will save a lot of CO2.

She will no longer be participating in winter sports to ski lodges and resorts, nor will she be going on anymore vacations with us, because our vacation destinations are practically inaccessible by bicycle.

Since our daughter fully agrees with the girl on TV that the CO2 emissions and footprints of her great-grandparents are to blame for ‘k*****g our planet’, what all this simply means, is that she also has to live like her great-grandparents and they never had a holiday, a car or even a bicycle.

We haven’t talked about the carbon footprint of food yet.

Zero CO2 footprint means no meat, no fish and no poultry, but also no meat substitutes that are based on soy (after all, that grows in farmer’s fields that use machinery to harvest the beans, trucks to t***sport to the processing plants, where more energy is used, then trucked to the packaging/canning plants, and trucked once again to the stores). And also, no imported food, because that has a negative ecological effect. And absolutely no chocolate from Africa, no coffee from South America and no tea from Asia.

Only homegrown potatoes, vegetables and fruit that have been grown in local cold soil, because greenhouses run on boilers, piped in CO2 and artificial light. Apparently, these things are also bad for the climate. We will teach her how to grow her own food.

Bread is still possible, but butter, milk, cheese and yogurt, cottage cheese and cream come from cows and they emit CO2. No more margarine and no oils will be used for the frying pan, because that fat is palm oil from plantations in Borneo where rain forests first grew.

No ice cream in the summer. No soft drinks and no energy drinks, as the bubbles are CO2. She wanted to lose some pounds, well, this will help her achieve that goal too.

We will also ban all plastic, because it comes from chemical factories. Everything made of steel and aluminum must also be removed. Have you ever seen the amount of energy a blast furnace consumes or an aluminum smelter? Uber bad for the climate!

We will replace her 9600 coil, memory foam pillow top mattress, with a jute bag filled with straw and with a horse hair pillow.

And finally, she will no longer be using makeup, soap, shampoo, cream, lotion, conditioner, toothpaste and medication. Her sanitary napkins will be replaced with pads made of linen, that she can wash by hand, with her wooden washboard, just like her female ancestors did before c*****e c****e made her angry at us for destroying her future.

In this way we will help her to do her part to prevent mass extinction, water levels rising and the disappearance of entire ecosystems.

If she truly believes she wants to walk the talk of the girl on TV, she will gladly accept and happily embrace her new way of life.

bggamers Loc: georgia

I'm glad I'm not your kid EVEN THO I walked to school with snow up to my knee's in a dress cause we were not allowed to were pants I could crawl into my home and sit in front of an air vent to unthaw

TexaCan Loc: Homeward Bound!

Weeeellll, you had it easy! I had to walk uphill........both ways!😥😥😥😥😥😥

Auntie Lulu

I would say that is the very best answer to a child's angst over the climate crisis. Personally, I find Greta to be exceedingly repulsive, because she is a pawn in the hands of her parents and other's who wish to spout this garbage.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

I love it. By showing the absurdity of the l*****ts claims perhaps we can show the Democrats for what they really are, stooges for the socialist-c*******t one world order.

bggamers Loc: georgia

Ok, you beat me cause I haven't figured out how u did it without saying your c***ten then we gotta fight and I'm too old and even though I'm a mean old lady I'm not that spry or mean anymore .SO ya win dagnabit

Tug484

I had to k**l a bear with my loose leaf notebook.

bggamers Loc: georgia

I would have paid to see that

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

So did I but I had to walk backwards!!

Tug484

EN Submarine Qualified Loc: Wisconsin East coast

And just think about some poor salivating stud who will wake up someday and find himself married to this delinquent.

EN Submarine Qualified Loc: Wisconsin East coast

You folks had it made. I had to dump the slop jar, get dressed, shuck and shell corn for the chickens and other critters, fork hay, milk a cow, eat breakfast, wash up, get dressed in my school clothes, haul it down and catch the bus. After the school day, grab bus, get out of school clothes, don work threads, repeat mornings chores plus carry in wood for the kitchen stove, haul out ashes, pick veggies from the garden,carry water from the spring to the house for cooking,dish washing,baths, laundry. Yeah hiking to/from school must have been a b***h. And this was a standard school day. We had lots of other joys for Saturday and Sunday and all this without electricity.

Tug484

Sounds like my dad's life, but he had to walk to school and several miles.

EN Submarine Qualified Loc: Wisconsin East coast

I'm sure my young butt would have been walking if there was someone to do the chores.

Tug484

My dad was an orphan and raised by a really mean aunt and uncle.
His mom died when he was 13 months old and his dad died when my dad was 3.
Horrible deaths, both of them.