The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State
"Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it, because it ends in 40 feet!"

By Bob Larkin
April 3, 2018
Alabama: An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?!"

Alaska: An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

Arizona: A sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain — not so much for me, cuz I've seen it, but for my 7-year-old."

Arkansas: A teacher asked her students about Arkansas's official state bird. Johnny raised his hand immediately and said, "Mosquitoes."

California: What's the best part of winter in California? That you can only see it on TV.

Colorado: How do you know you're in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.

Connecticut: You know you're from Connecticut if you root for all of the New York sports teams.

Delaware: Q: What did Delaware? A: I don't know...A brand New Jersey?

Florida: "Thank you for calling Florida's emergency services. If this is regarding an anaconda in a crawl space, press 1. If a sinkhole full of bones has appeared in your living room, press 2. If you want to know why JAG wasn't on this week, press 3."

Georgia: How do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with "Go down Peachtree …" and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House …"

Hawaii: Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii." They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii." "Thank you," says the satisfied first man. "You're velcome," replies the passerby.

Idaho: "Idaho has raised its speed limit to 80 miles per hour. Now you can get out of there even faster."

Illinois: "Chicago's contribution] to the English dictionary: 'Jeet?' As in, 'I am inquiring as to whether you have dined.'"

Indiana : It's fitting that Indianapolis' NFL team is the Colts: Count On Losing The Superbowl.

Iowa: "I used to think [Iowa] was something people said when they're listing states alphabetically and they couldn't remember what comes after Indiana. Indiana…. I, oh… Oh yeah, Kansas! Kansas."

Kansas: Q: What's the difference between Kansas and yogurt? A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Kentucky: What did the Kentucky Derby horse say when it fell? "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Louisiana: Every day can be Fat Tuesday if you try hard enough!

Maine: High of 32º F? Last cookout of the season!

Maryland: What do you call your ex who lived in Maryland? Old Bae.

Massachusetts: "The last person to get across [Boston] in under three hours was yelling, 'The British are coming! The British are coming!'"

Michigan: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television? The Detroit Lions.

Minnesota: What are the four seasons in Minnesota? Winter. Still Winter. Yep, Still Winter. And Construction.

Mississippi: How do you know when you're staying in a Mississippi hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

Missouri: A man from Kansas City walks into a bar and asks, "Wanna hear a joke about people from St. Louis?" The bartender says, "Listen, pal, I'm from St. Louis, and I won't appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he's from St. Louis, too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?"

"No," says the guy from Kansas City. "Not if I have to explain it three times."

Alabama: An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?!"

Alaska: An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

Arizona: A sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain — not so much for me, cuz I've seen it, but for my 7-year-old."

Arkansas: A teacher asked her students about Arkansas's official state bird. Johnny raised his hand immediately and said, "Mosquitoes."

California: What's the best part of winter in California? That you can only see it on TV.

Colorado: How do you know you're in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.

Connecticut: You know you're from Connecticut if you root for all of the New York sports teams.

Delaware: Q: What did Delaware? A: I don't know...A brand New Jersey?

Florida: "Thank you for calling Florida's emergency services. If this is regarding an anaconda in a crawl space, press 1. If a sinkhole full of bones has appeared in your living room, press 2. If you want to know why JAG wasn't on this week, press 3."

Georgia: How do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with "Go down Peachtree …" and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House …"

Hawaii: Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii." They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii." "Thank you," says the satisfied first man. "You're velcome," replies the passerby.

Idaho: "Idaho has raised its speed limit to 80 miles per hour. Now you can get out of there even faster."

Illinois: "Chicago's contribution] to the English dictionary: 'Jeet?' As in, 'I am inquiring as to whether you have dined.'"

Indiana : It's fitting that Indianapolis' NFL team is the Colts: Count On Losing The Superbowl.

Iowa: "I used to think [Iowa] was something people said when they're listing states alphabetically and they couldn't remember what comes after Indiana. Indiana…. I, oh… Oh yeah, Kansas! Kansas."

Kansas: Q: What's the difference between Kansas and yogurt? A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Kentucky: What did the Kentucky Derby horse say when it fell? "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Louisiana: Every day can be Fat Tuesday if you try hard enough!

Maine: High of 32º F? Last cookout of the season!

Maryland: What do you call your ex who lived in Maryland? Old Bae.

Massachusetts: "The last person to get across [Boston] in under three hours was yelling, 'The British are coming! The British are coming!'"

Michigan: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television? The Detroit Lions.

Minnesota: What are the four seasons in Minnesota? Winter. Still Winter. Yep, Still Winter. And Construction.

Mississippi: How do you know when you're staying in a Mississippi hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

Missouri: A man from Kansas City walks into a bar and asks, "Wanna hear a joke about people from St. Louis?" The bartender says, "Listen, pal, I'm from St. Louis, and I won't appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he's from St. Louis, too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?"

"No," says the guy from Kansas City. "Not if I have to explain it three times."

Alabama: An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?!"

Alaska: An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

Arizona: A sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain — not so much for me, cuz I've seen it, but for my 7-year-old."

Arkansas: A teacher asked her students about Arkansas's official state bird. Johnny raised his hand immediately and said, "Mosquitoes."

California: What's the best part of winter in California? That you can only see it on TV.

Colorado: How do you know you're in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.

Connecticut: You know you're from Connecticut if you root for all of the New York sports teams.

Delaware: Q: What did Delaware? A: I don't know...A brand New Jersey?

Florida: "Thank you for calling Florida's emergency services. If this is regarding an anaconda in a crawl space, press 1. If a sinkhole full of bones has appeared in your living room, press 2. If you want to know why JAG wasn't on this week, press 3."

Georgia: How do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with "Go down Peachtree …" and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House …"

Hawaii: Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii." They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii." "Thank you," says the satisfied first man. "You're velcome," replies the passerby.

Idaho: "Idaho has raised its speed limit to 80 miles per hour. Now you can get out of there even faster."

Illinois: "Chicago's contribution] to the English dictionary: 'Jeet?' As in, 'I am inquiring as to whether you have dined.'"

Indiana : It's fitting that Indianapolis' NFL team is the Colts: Count On Losing The Superbowl.

Iowa: "I used to think [Iowa] was something people said when they're listing states alphabetically and they couldn't remember what comes after Indiana. Indiana…. I, oh… Oh yeah, Kansas! Kansas."

Kansas: Q: What's the difference between Kansas and yogurt? A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Kentucky: What did the Kentucky Derby horse say when it fell? "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Louisiana: Every day can be Fat Tuesday if you try hard enough!

Maine: High of 32º F? Last cookout of the season!

Maryland: What do you call your ex who lived in Maryland? Old Bae.

Massachusetts: "The last person to get across [Boston] in under three hours was yelling, 'The British are coming! The British are coming!'"

Michigan: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television? The Detroit Lions.

Minnesota: What are the four seasons in Minnesota? Winter. Still Winter. Yep, Still Winter. And Construction.

Mississippi: How do you know when you're staying in a Mississippi hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

Missouri: A man from Kansas City walks into a bar and asks, "Wanna hear a joke about people from St. Louis?" The bartender says, "Listen, pal, I'm from St. Louis, and I won't appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he's from St. Louis, too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?"

"No," says the guy from Kansas City. "Not if I have to explain it three times."

Alabama: An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?!"

Alaska: An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, "Where were you on the night of October to April?"

Arizona: A sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain — not so much for me, cuz I've seen it, but for my 7-year-old."

Arkansas: A teacher asked her students about Arkansas's official state bird. Johnny raised his hand immediately and said, "Mosquitoes."

California: What's the best part of winter in California? That you can only see it on TV.

Colorado: How do you know you're in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.

Connecticut: You know you're from Connecticut if you root for all of the New York sports teams.

Delaware: Q: What did Delaware? A: I don't know...A brand New Jersey?

Florida: "Thank you for calling Florida's emergency services. If this is regarding an anaconda in a crawl space, press 1. If a sinkhole full of bones has appeared in your living room, press 2. If you want to know why JAG wasn't on this week, press 3."

Georgia: How do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with "Go down Peachtree …" and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House …"

Hawaii: Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii." They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii." "Thank you," says the satisfied first man. "You're velcome," replies the passerby.

Idaho: "Idaho has raised its speed limit to 80 miles per hour. Now you can get out of there even faster."

Illinois: "Chicago's contribution] to the English dictionary: 'Jeet?' As in, 'I am inquiring as to whether you have dined.'"

Indiana : It's fitting that Indianapolis' NFL team is the Colts: Count On Losing The Superbowl.

Iowa: "I used to think [Iowa] was something people said when they're listing states alphabetically and they couldn't remember what comes after Indiana. Indiana…. I, oh… Oh yeah, Kansas! Kansas."

Kansas: Q: What's the difference between Kansas and yogurt? A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Kentucky: What did the Kentucky Derby horse say when it fell? "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Louisiana: Every day can be Fat Tuesday if you try hard enough!

Maine: High of 32º F? Last cookout of the season!

Maryland: What do you call your ex who lived in Maryland? Old Bae.

Massachusetts: "The last person to get across [Boston] in under three hours was yelling, 'The British are coming! The British are coming!'"

Michigan: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television? The Detroit Lions.

Minnesota: What are the four seasons in Minnesota? Winter. Still Winter. Yep, Still Winter. And Construction.

Mississippi: How do you know when you're staying in a Mississippi hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

Missouri: A man from Kansas City walks into a bar and asks, "Wanna hear a joke about people from St. Louis?" The bartender says, "Listen, pal, I'm from St. Louis, and I won't appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he's from St. Louis, too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?"

"No," says the guy from Kansas City. "Not if I have to explain it three times."