UNBELIEVABLE: Plant Parenthood Announces Latest Spokesperson
Aug 15, 2019 19:57:12 #
Lioness Who K**led, Ate Own Cubs Hired As Planned Parenthood Mascot
Babylon Bee ~ August 12th, 2019
NOTE: This is satire.
LEIPZIG—Kigali the lioness has been hailed as a women's rights advocate after she k**led and ate her own cubs.
Planned Parenthood immediately jumped at the opportunity to leverage Kigali's popularity, offering her a job as the organization's mascot.
Kigali will appear in ads encouraging women to have as many a******ns as they want and be available to counsel young ladies thinking about getting a******ns.
"Imagine how inconvenient those two cubs would be if I'd kept them around---ugh," she said in a speech in front of Planned Parenthood's New York offices, with a lion from a local American zoo t***slating from her native German. "I'm now free to center my life around myself, having k**led those two little unwelcome l***hes."
She made it clear that the two cubs she k**led weren't actually lions, per se, but just "clumps of cells" since she hadn't subjectively decided they were living beings yet. "As soon as I decided to terminate them, they became nothing more than parasites."
The lioness said she plans on sleeping around with other lions and k*****g and eating some more cubs, should she get pregnant. "My cubs, my choice."
Babylon Bee ~ August 12th, 2019
NOTE: This is satire.
LEIPZIG—Kigali the lioness has been hailed as a women's rights advocate after she k**led and ate her own cubs.
Planned Parenthood immediately jumped at the opportunity to leverage Kigali's popularity, offering her a job as the organization's mascot.
Kigali will appear in ads encouraging women to have as many a******ns as they want and be available to counsel young ladies thinking about getting a******ns.
"Imagine how inconvenient those two cubs would be if I'd kept them around---ugh," she said in a speech in front of Planned Parenthood's New York offices, with a lion from a local American zoo t***slating from her native German. "I'm now free to center my life around myself, having k**led those two little unwelcome l***hes."
She made it clear that the two cubs she k**led weren't actually lions, per se, but just "clumps of cells" since she hadn't subjectively decided they were living beings yet. "As soon as I decided to terminate them, they became nothing more than parasites."
The lioness said she plans on sleeping around with other lions and k*****g and eating some more cubs, should she get pregnant. "My cubs, my choice."
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