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For you Yankees figgerin on movin southj
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Jul 10, 2019 12:34:53   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.
First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.
Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.
Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.
When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.
Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.
Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.
We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.
Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.
Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.
Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.
If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to just say you are from Canada.
Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.

,



| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 12:48:03   #
bahmer
 
badbobby wrote:
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.
First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.
Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.
Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.
When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.
Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.
Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.
We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.
Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.
Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.
Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.
If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to just say you are from Canada.
Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.

,
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want t... (show quote)


Very good badbobby thanks for the morning laughs. By the way I do cook in bacon grease and it does make the food taste better.

| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 13:09:41   #
kankune Loc: Iowa
 
badbobby wrote:
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.
First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.
Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.
Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.
When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.
Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.
Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.
We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.
Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.
Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.
Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.
If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to just say you are from Canada.
Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.

,
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want t... (show quote)

You crack me up Bad...you're so funny.
Your friend,
Katie
The Yankee.....

| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 13:34:15   #
Larai Loc: Fallon, NV
 
badbobby wrote:
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.
First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.
Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.
Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.
When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.
Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.
Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.
We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.
Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.
Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.
Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.
If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to just say you are from Canada.
Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.

,
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want t... (show quote)


Good one!!.. lol... Thanks for the giggle!

| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 14:46:42   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
kankune wrote:
You crack me up Bad...you're so funny.
Your friend,
Katie
The Yankee.....

kan you can move here any time you want to
we need all the pretty ladies we can get


| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 16:22:06   #
Carol Kelly
 
badbobby wrote:
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.
First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.
Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.
Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.
When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.
Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.
Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.
We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.
Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.
Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.
Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.
If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to just say you are from Canada.
Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.

,
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want t... (show quote)


I believe you covered everything, but you failed to mention mustard greens. I read this with a huge grin on my little ol’ face.

| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 16:29:08   #
Carol Kelly
 
bahmer wrote:
Very good badbobby thanks for the morning laughs. By the way I do cook in bacon grease and it does make the food taste better.


Amen, Bahmer.

| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 17:17:12   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
Carol Kelly wrote:
I believe you covered everything, but you failed to mention mustard greens. I read this with a huge grin on my little ol’ face.


okay I missed them
but better late than never----mustard greens and pork belly--luvem

| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 17:19:36   #
Larai Loc: Fallon, NV
 
badbobby wrote:
okay I missed them
but better late than never----mustard greens and pork belly--luvem


Grits with bacon grease... yummm.. smiles..

| Reply
Jul 10, 2019 17:58:09   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
Larai wrote:
Grits with bacon grease... yummm.. smiles..



| Reply
Jul 11, 2019 01:39:10   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
badbobby wrote:
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.
First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.
Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.
Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.
When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.
Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.
Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.
We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.
Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.
Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.
Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.
If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to just say you are from Canada.
Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.

,
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want t... (show quote)


Well one...Another good one

| Reply
Jul 11, 2019 07:06:48   #
America 1
 
badbobby wrote:
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.
First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.
Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.
Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.
When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.
Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.
Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.
We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.
Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.
Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.
Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.
If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to just say you are from Canada.
Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.

,
If you are a northerner you will inevitably want t... (show quote)


1 last thing, don't move south.
If you do, don't vote.

| Reply
Jul 11, 2019 09:11:37   #
Peewee Loc: San Antonio, TX
 
America 1 wrote:
1 last thing, don't move south.
If you do, don't vote.


No, you da man!

| Reply
Jul 11, 2019 22:18:19   #
kankune Loc: Iowa
 
badbobby wrote:
kan you can move here any time you want to
we need all the pretty ladies we can get



Awww Bad....always my sweetheart. 😘😘

| Reply
Jul 12, 2019 00:27:15   #
GmanTerry
 
bahmer wrote:
Very good badbobby thanks for the morning laughs. By the way I do cook in bacon grease and it does make the food taste better.


When I was young we used to save bacon grease and store it in a jar. Then sometime, I think it was when I was in the service, someone came up with the horrid idea of injecting bacon with water. No bacon grease. Now I have to find speciality stores that sell 'natural' bacon. I also love bacon grease because it makes everything better. Everything.

Semper Fi

| Reply
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