Quick Thinking
May 27, 2014 01:58:05 #
A man retired and decided to treat himself well. He went to a salon and got the manicure, the pedicure, hair style and shampoo and then went out and got a new wardrobe. Next stop was the Mercedes Dealer where he strapped himself into the hottest sports model on the lot and headed out onto the highway.
Running the car through the gears he was soon doing close to 100MPH when he noticed the blue, flashing lights in the rear view mirror. He thought, "Hey, I bet this car can leave that trooper in the dust like he's never seen before," so he shifts it into top gear and floors it!
As the speedometer needle is passing smoothly over 150 he thinks, "This is what a kid would do. I'm not a kid, what has possessed me to do this? I'm going to pull over before someone gets hurt."
The trooper walks up to the car and says, "That was quite the performance. Had you kept your foot in it I doubt that I'd have been able to catch you. Tell you what. It's Friday, traffic is light an hour before most businesses let out, I'm near the end of my shift and don't want to have to start writing a report on this because they take forever. If you can come up with a good reason for driving like that which I've not heard before, I'll let you off."
The man thinks for a moment and replies, "Well officer, you see, my wife ran off with a state trooper a few years ago and I thought you might have been bringing her back!"
"Have a nice weekend sir."
Running the car through the gears he was soon doing close to 100MPH when he noticed the blue, flashing lights in the rear view mirror. He thought, "Hey, I bet this car can leave that trooper in the dust like he's never seen before," so he shifts it into top gear and floors it!
As the speedometer needle is passing smoothly over 150 he thinks, "This is what a kid would do. I'm not a kid, what has possessed me to do this? I'm going to pull over before someone gets hurt."
The trooper walks up to the car and says, "That was quite the performance. Had you kept your foot in it I doubt that I'd have been able to catch you. Tell you what. It's Friday, traffic is light an hour before most businesses let out, I'm near the end of my shift and don't want to have to start writing a report on this because they take forever. If you can come up with a good reason for driving like that which I've not heard before, I'll let you off."
The man thinks for a moment and replies, "Well officer, you see, my wife ran off with a state trooper a few years ago and I thought you might have been bringing her back!"
"Have a nice weekend sir."
May 27, 2014 06:01:52 #
dennisimoto wrote:
A man retired and decided to treat himself well. H... (show quote)
Now that's funny! Thanks for a good chuckle!!!
May 27, 2014 13:27:43 #
That was SO Funny!!!!!!! LOL
dennisimoto wrote:
A man retired and decided to treat himself well. H... (show quote)
May 27, 2014 14:12:58 #
May 28, 2014 08:16:25 #
A man buys a bird that sings. NEXT DAY CALLS PET STORE and says bird is not singing. Man at pet store says if you file birds beak it will help bird to sing. Next day store calls man and asks if bird is singing. Man says no. After i took his head out of the vice he was dead.
May 28, 2014 13:23:31 #
May 29, 2014 14:21:11 #
Two men graduated from a prestigious Eastern college. One was v**ed, "Most likely to succeed" and the other was the Class Clown. At the 5-year reunion the one v**ed, "most likely," arrived in a year old Buick wearing a 3-piece suit and with an attractive wife. He was 2nd Vice President of a Fortune 500 company and obviously destined for greatness.
The Class Clown arrived in a chauffeur driven stretch limousine wearing a full tuxedo, smoking a large Cuban cigar and with a gorgeous model on each arm.
The V.P. approached him and said, "You're obviously doing very well. What is your secret?" "Well, after graduation I sent out some resume's and hung around home helping my folks and waiting to hear from any company that wanted me. One day, fooling around in the garage, I stumbled on a product I can make for a dollar that the public will gladly pay $3 for. I have two factories pumping these things out 7 days a week and they have a hard time keeping up with the demand. As you know, I was never good with math but I have to tell you that that steady 2% really adds up!"
The Class Clown arrived in a chauffeur driven stretch limousine wearing a full tuxedo, smoking a large Cuban cigar and with a gorgeous model on each arm.
The V.P. approached him and said, "You're obviously doing very well. What is your secret?" "Well, after graduation I sent out some resume's and hung around home helping my folks and waiting to hear from any company that wanted me. One day, fooling around in the garage, I stumbled on a product I can make for a dollar that the public will gladly pay $3 for. I have two factories pumping these things out 7 days a week and they have a hard time keeping up with the demand. As you know, I was never good with math but I have to tell you that that steady 2% really adds up!"
May 29, 2014 14:45:43 #
dennisimoto wrote:
Two men graduated from a prestigious Eastern colle... (show quote)
only in America.
May 29, 2014 17:53:04 #
dennisimoto wrote:
Two men graduated from a prestigious Eastern colle... (show quote)
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbup:
Jun 6, 2014 17:52:31 #
Something along the lines of the original heading:
A woman went to her doctor with a complaint about excessive flatulence. "Doctor I have this explosive gas all day long! It's incredibly distracting and attracts terrific negative attention to me. It's really loud but doesn't have any smell at all. Can you do something to help me?"
"Well, come on back to the examination room and we'll see what we can find.," replied the doctor.
Just then the poor woman cut loose with a double-reverse triple cheek flapper that positively amazed both the doctor and his nurse. "Madame," said the doctor, "I'm afraid you need an operation."
"On my rectum, doctor?
"No. On your nose!"
A woman went to her doctor with a complaint about excessive flatulence. "Doctor I have this explosive gas all day long! It's incredibly distracting and attracts terrific negative attention to me. It's really loud but doesn't have any smell at all. Can you do something to help me?"
"Well, come on back to the examination room and we'll see what we can find.," replied the doctor.
Just then the poor woman cut loose with a double-reverse triple cheek flapper that positively amazed both the doctor and his nurse. "Madame," said the doctor, "I'm afraid you need an operation."
"On my rectum, doctor?
"No. On your nose!"
Jun 6, 2014 19:16:50 #
dennisimoto wrote:
Something along the lines of the original heading:... (show quote)
A man went to a white tie and tails dinner. He walked around talking to people. He saw an older couple and decided to go talk to them. As he was talking he let out a big fart. The old man said how dare you fart before my wife. The man said I am sorry. I didn't know it was her turn.
Jun 6, 2014 19:56:19 #
robby1 wrote:
A man went to a white tie and tails dinner. He walked around talking to people. He saw an older couple and decided to go talk to them. As he was talking he let out a big fart. The old man said how dare you fart before my wife. The man said I am sorry. I didn't know it was her turn.
:thumbup: :thumbup: :lol: :lol:
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