A serious question for Christians: We had out of town company for the weekend and a question came up that I had no way of answering, so I need your thoughts. the couple who stayed with...

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

We had out of town company for the weekend and a question came up that I had no way of answering, so I need your thoughts.
the couple who stayed with us are also therapists dealing with victims of child molestation, primarily boys in the preteen and young teen age, molested by men. so we have been doing the same type of work for years, and asking for God's guidance in the type of help we offer to the young men and boys.
The husband had been working with a young man since the boy was thirteen years old, and is still in contact with him as an adult man, of 25. As a boy, he was molested by his stepfather for about two years. Too afraid of the adult and ashamed of participating in the activity, although unwillingly, he did not report it to anyone. When the boy was thirteen, he discovered the stepfather had started molesting his ten year old younger brother. The thirteen year old was furious, for good reason, and waited until the step father was asleep, and stabbed him to death. The boy ended up in a youth facility for serious offenders, where my friend was his therapist. The boy was introduced to Jesus and God and has become a believer, has asked for Jesus to help him with his sinful ways. The man, who is now 25 is no longer incarcerated, has finished college and has a good job. He has met a wonderful woman and they want to get married. however, he believes that the sin of murder makes him unworthy of getting married and having a family. Unfortunately, while I believe I am a good Christian, I must admit that I have not spend as much time studying the bible as I should have, so I am at a loss to give my friend any suggestions as to how he should handle the situation. My believe is that the man is now a good Christian, and a good man. With help from Jesus and the people who God has sent to help him, the man has turned his life around and I believe that he would be a worthy husband and father, but I may be looking at the situation from a shallow standpoint.

What would those of you with more knowledge say to him, and what would your suggestions be, at this juncture in his life?

Homestead

no propaganda please wrote:

We had out of town company for the weekend and a question came up that I had no way of answering, so I need your thoughts.
the couple who stayed with us are also therapists dealing with victims of child molestation, primarily boys in the preteen and young teen age, molested by men. so we have been doing the same type of work for years, and asking for God's guidance in the type of help we offer to the young men and boys.
The husband had been working with a young man since the boy was thirteen years old, and is still in contact with him as an adult man, of 25. As a boy, he was molested by his stepfather for about two years. Too afraid of the adult and ashamed of participating in the activity, although unwillingly, he did not report it to anyone. When the boy was thirteen, he discovered the stepfather had started molesting his ten year old younger brother. The thirteen year old was furious, for good reason, and waited until the step father was asleep, and stabbed him to death. The boy ended up in a youth facility for serious offenders, where my friend was his therapist. The boy was introduced to Jesus and God and has become a believer, has asked for Jesus to help him with his sinful ways. The man, who is now 25 is no longer incarcerated, has finished college and has a good job. He has met a wonderful woman and they want to get married. however, he believes that the sin of murder makes him unworthy of getting married and having a family. Unfortunately, while I believe I am a good Christian, I must admit that I have not spend as much time studying the bible as I should have, so I am at a loss to give my friend any suggestions as to how he should handle the situation. My believe is that the man is now a good Christian, and a good man. With help from Jesus and the people who God has sent to help him, the man has turned his life around and I believe that he would be a worthy husband and father, but I may be looking at the situation from a shallow standpoint.

What would those of you with more knowledge say to him, and what would your suggestions be, at this juncture in his life?

We had out of town company for the weekend and a q... (show quote)

You need to ask him why, Christ died on the Cross?
His answer is in the bible, but, that doesn't mean it will be handed to him.
He will have to discover it for himself.

Kevyn

Homestead wrote:

You need to ask him why, Christ died on the Cross?
His answer is in the bible, but, that doesn't mean it will be handed to him.
He will have to discover it for himself.

This is perhaps a job for a mental health practitioner rather than a theologian. If the gentleman acted in the defense of his younger brother after personally being subject to such abuse it was criminal that he was prosecuted at all. If there was more to the story and he is a psychopath who k**led his step father for some other reason and cooked up the abuse story to cover his tracks then it is a different story after all. The question I would ask myself if faced with this situation is, is this a man I would be pleased to have my daughter marry?
His conversion, feigned conversion or lack thereof are of little real consequence, no one but him will ever know of its t***h or motivation.

bahmer

no propaganda please wrote:

We had out of town company for the weekend and a question came up that I had no way of answering, so I need your thoughts.
the couple who stayed with us are also therapists dealing with victims of child molestation, primarily boys in the preteen and young teen age, molested by men. so we have been doing the same type of work for years, and asking for God's guidance in the type of help we offer to the young men and boys.
The husband had been working with a young man since the boy was thirteen years old, and is still in contact with him as an adult man, of 25. As a boy, he was molested by his stepfather for about two years. Too afraid of the adult and ashamed of participating in the activity, although unwillingly, he did not report it to anyone. When the boy was thirteen, he discovered the stepfather had started molesting his ten year old younger brother. The thirteen year old was furious, for good reason, and waited until the step father was asleep, and stabbed him to death. The boy ended up in a youth facility for serious offenders, where my friend was his therapist. The boy was introduced to Jesus and God and has become a believer, has asked for Jesus to help him with his sinful ways. The man, who is now 25 is no longer incarcerated, has finished college and has a good job. He has met a wonderful woman and they want to get married. however, he believes that the sin of murder makes him unworthy of getting married and having a family. Unfortunately, while I believe I am a good Christian, I must admit that I have not spend as much time studying the bible as I should have, so I am at a loss to give my friend any suggestions as to how he should handle the situation. My believe is that the man is now a good Christian, and a good man. With help from Jesus and the people who God has sent to help him, the man has turned his life around and I believe that he would be a worthy husband and father, but I may be looking at the situation from a shallow standpoint.

What would those of you with more knowledge say to him, and what would your suggestions be, at this juncture in his life?

We had out of town company for the weekend and a q... (show quote)

My first response would be for him and his fiance to find a good bible believing church. This next part may require a little more searching, but look for one that has either home fellowship groups or care groups as our church calls them. Also look for a church that has a men's fellowship. Our church has a fellowship that meets and prays together on Saturday morning and then the men go out to breakfast together. Building a strong relationship with Christian men I would say would be critical. There is a Christian movie out called Courageous and is about five police officers that take a vow to each other to be the types of fathers that God wants them to be. That would also be a good movie for him to watch. Also by finding a male Christian to whom he will be accountable and the other will be accountable to him may be a tremendous help to him. That way he has a confidant that will not betray his trust but be there for him if there ever comes a time when he needs a friend to be there for him. This type of relationship has to be built on the scriptures and trust.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

no propaganda please wrote:

We had out of town company for the weekend and a question came up that I had no way of answering, so I need your thoughts.
the couple who stayed with us are also therapists dealing with victims of child molestation, primarily boys in the preteen and young teen age, molested by men. so we have been doing the same type of work for years, and asking for God's guidance in the type of help we offer to the young men and boys.
The husband had been working with a young man since the boy was thirteen years old, and is still in contact with him as an adult man, of 25. As a boy, he was molested by his stepfather for about two years. Too afraid of the adult and ashamed of participating in the activity, although unwillingly, he did not report it to anyone. When the boy was thirteen, he discovered the stepfather had started molesting his ten year old younger brother. The thirteen year old was furious, for good reason, and waited until the step father was asleep, and stabbed him to death. The boy ended up in a youth facility for serious offenders, where my friend was his therapist. The boy was introduced to Jesus and God and has become a believer, has asked for Jesus to help him with his sinful ways. The man, who is now 25 is no longer incarcerated, has finished college and has a good job. He has met a wonderful woman and they want to get married. however, he believes that the sin of murder makes him unworthy of getting married and having a family. Unfortunately, while I believe I am a good Christian, I must admit that I have not spend as much time studying the bible as I should have, so I am at a loss to give my friend any suggestions as to how he should handle the situation. My believe is that the man is now a good Christian, and a good man. With help from Jesus and the people who God has sent to help him, the man has turned his life around and I believe that he would be a worthy husband and father, but I may be looking at the situation from a shallow standpoint.

What would those of you with more knowledge say to him, and what would your suggestions be, at this juncture in his life?

We had out of town company for the weekend and a q... (show quote)

I am totally and completely ill equipped to answer the quandry. I do think that our friend bahmer has provided an excellent suggestion. I am replying, because the following scripture verse seems very important.

Luke 15:7 - "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

Blue Flu Loc: HHI

I'd simply say to him that there are justifiable reasons to take a life and he acted in defense of his brother.
Child molesters are among the worst criminals on the planet.

Homestead

Kevyn wrote:

This is perhaps a job for a mental health practiti... (show quote)

So, you think a mental health practitioner has more more power and influence, then the bible, which has been in play for thousands of years and for this very type of soul searching?

Yeah, good luck with that.

In the meantime, here's an example of your modern psychology, it seems they have an agenda.

FULL INTERVIEW- VA Psychiatrist Exposes National Gun Confiscation Program
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ppVC6cTpxY

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Kevyn wrote:

This is perhaps a job for a mental health practiti... (show quote)

Perhaps this young man can find a "mental health practitioner who is of faith. In this way, the young man will have someone who can bring two practices to, hopefully, resolve the conflict.

The outlook of who your daughter marries has great validity. Does he treat her with respect, dignity and love is very important.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Kevyn wrote:

This is perhaps a job for a mental health practiti... (show quote)

As I gathered from the therapist working with him there was physical evidence of sexual abuse, and the therapist has been working with him for years.. Don't forget that the boy was thirteen at the time. I gather that the facility he was in was part psychiatric hospital from the way my friend spoke about it. But it sounds as if he got a great deal of help and if my friend believes that he truly believes in God and Jesus, and the therapist spoke highly of the young man. Don't forget that the time span is 12 years.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

AuntiE wrote:

Perhaps this young man can find a "mental health practitioner who is of faith. In this way, the young man will have someone who can bring two practices to, hopefully, resolve the conflict.

The outlook of who your daughter marries has great validity. Does he treat her with respect, dignity and love is very important.

The therapist that he has had since age 13 is a man of faith and his field of therapy, like mine, is the healing of sexual abuse victims. I have no connection to it except as a theoretical discussion with the therapist who is a college and friend. All I was asking is if anyone had a slightly different way of looking at the situation that my friend, the therapist might approach with to help the man.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

no propaganda please wrote:

The therapist that he has had since age 13 is a man of faith and his field of therapy, like mine, is the healing of sexual abuse victims. I have no connection to it except as a theoretical discussion with the therapist who is a college and friend. All I was asking is if anyone had a slightly different way of looking at the situation that my friend, the therapist might approach with to help the man.

I truly do like bahmer's idea of the young man finding a church with a men's group and becoming a part of the group. Obviously, he is not going to leap in with both feet; however, he may be able to find additional support.

I am, obviously, talking off the top of my head. You and your friend have substantially more knowledge and experience helping these young men through such horror.

As another thought, perhaps his thought of not being a father is a way to lead him to give his time to young men, such as you have, having experienced the same trauma of abuse. God does move in ways beyond our understanding.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

no propaganda please wrote:

The therapist that he has had since age 13 is a man of faith and his field of therapy, like mine, is the healing of sexual abuse victims. I have no connection to it except as a theoretical discussion with the therapist who is a college and friend. All I was asking is if anyone had a slightly different way of looking at the situation that my friend, the therapist might approach with to help the man.

The most important aspect of this situation is the spiritual and mental health of this young man. IMHO, bahmer has a very strong idea that could prove worthwhile.

It has been my experience as a pastor when one is advised to wait, or to adjust behavior or schedules to seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and to conduct ones plans according God's revealed directions in the Bible; and he/she agrees this is the right thing to do; it has been an indication that a persons renewal or dedication to the Lord is real.

I can almost write a book on those who refused to wait and respond to God's word and direction who have failed.

I believe the proof of a true relationship with God, and being a trustworthy person is revealed by a submissive mind and not one inclined to self-serving or impulsive behavior.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Armageddun wrote:

The most important aspect of this situation is the... (show quote)

Thank you for your insightful reply. Since the young man in question has sought out the guidance of not only his therapist, who works with healing through God with these young men, but also his pastor, both the therapist working with him and I thought that it sounded as if he is going in the right direction, not only to prove worthy but to be a good God fearing father and husband.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

bahmer wrote:

My first response would be for him and his fiance ... (show quote)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

jack sequim wa Loc: Blanchard, Idaho

no propaganda please wrote:

We had out of town company for the weekend and a question came up that I had no way of answering, so I need your thoughts.
the couple who stayed with us are also therapists dealing with victims of child molestation, primarily boys in the preteen and young teen age, molested by men. so we have been doing the same type of work for years, and asking for God's guidance in the type of help we offer to the young men and boys.
The husband had been working with a young man since the boy was thirteen years old, and is still in contact with him as an adult man, of 25. As a boy, he was molested by his stepfather for about two years. Too afraid of the adult and ashamed of participating in the activity, altogether unwillingly, he did not report it to anyone. When the boy was thirteen, he discovered the stepfather had started molesting his ten year old younger brother. The thirteen year old was furious, for good reason, and waited until the step father was asleep, and stabbed him to death. The boy ended up in a youth facility for serious offenders, where my friend was his therapist. The boy was introduced to Jesus and God and has become a believer, has asked for Jesus to help him with his sinful ways. The man, who is now 25 is no longer incarcerated, has finished college and has a good job. He has met a wonderful woman and they want to get married. however, he believes that the sin of murder makes him unworthy of getting married and having a family. Unfortunately, while I believe I am a good Christian, I must admit that I have not spend as much time studying the bible as I should have, so I am at a loss to give my friend any suggestions as to how he should handle the situation. My believe is that the man is now a good Christian, and a good man. With help from Jesus and the people who God has sent to help him, the man has turned his life around and I believe that he would be a worthy husband and father, but I may be looking at the situation from a shallow standpoint.

What would those of you with more knowledge say to him, and what would your suggestions be, at this juncture in his life?

We had out of town company for the weekend and a q... (show quote)

I have read thru the responses, so here is what I believe God says.
Jesus died once and for all, when we confess our sins he ifs faithful and just to forgive our sins, and cleanse us of all unrightousness.
When we come to Jesus, ask for forgiveness, God wipes the slate clean, God sees us a righteous, pure as snow, sinless. He tells us he cast our sins into the sea of forgetfulness, God will never remember your sins (Ever). So this young man needs to do nothing more in Gods eyes.
Then there is satan, who will remind us, trying to make us lose confidence before our God, and rob us of our power through Christ.
A pastor of God, can reinforce Gods word, and encourage confidence in this young mans walk with God, while guiding him on the ways of being
A man and husband.
In conclusion, he ifs free, forgiven, and blessed to approach God boldly, for guidance. Praise our mighty, and holy God!!!!