slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Verified by Psychology Today

Stephanie A. Sarki, PHD

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. And it works too well.

Jan 22, 2017

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. For example, in the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.

People who gaslight typically use the following techniques:

1. They tell blatant lies.

You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they're setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you're not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.

2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.

You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.

4. They wear you down over time.

This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it.

5. Their actions do not match their words.

When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.

This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don't have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter—and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter.
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7. They know confusion weakens people.

Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans' natural tendency is to look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable—and that happens to be the gaslighter.

8. They project.

They are a drug user or a c***ter, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior.

9. They try to align people against you.

Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what—and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, "This person knows that you're not right," or "This person knows you're useless too." Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust or turn to—and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control.

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.

This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It's a master technique.

11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.

By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media) is a liar, it again makes you question your reality. You've never known someone with the audacity to do this, so they must be telling the t***h, right? No. It's a manipulation technique. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the "correct" information—which isn't correct information at all.

The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter's trap.
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Stephanie A. Sarkis is an American specialist in the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) and the author of five books on adult ADHD.

Mike Easterday

Sounds like the democratic c*******t!

TrueAmerican

100% correct sounds just like what the liberal demoncRATs try to do, though they are quite unsucceful with people such as myself !!!!!!

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

Absolute t***h

Sicilianthing

>>>>

Classic, you nailed it.

woodguru

And the person who can't recognize that this is a description of Trump is too ignorant for words.

woodguru

Oh yeah, because you are the brightest, the elite. You truly can't see that Trump blatantly lies, that he says something on air and then comes back and says he never said that when the video says otherwise?

And what is your opinion of someone who starts out saying one of his staff "picks" is the best, the brightest, the most well respected, and then when they disagree with him they are worthless maggots? People who still support him that can't see these things are dangerously ignorant and caught up in a cult sort of blind support and belief in their deity.

People such as yourself have no ability to be objective about your own guy.

woodguru

He nailed it alright....TRUMP

Sicilianthing

>>>>

Naaaahhhh I’m trying to be hopeful that he hasn’t sold us out to the Rothschilds...

Please be hopeful at least....

But he may turn out to be a Rotten Rat T*****r too.

bahmer

Now you know why I have such sympathy for badbobby but I really never that that I would see the day that you would admit to what you are doing to that wonderful Squid. You really should be ashamed of trying to convince him that he lost to you dastardly Marines when in fact he won many IOU's from you Marines instead.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Wow, that's quite a stretch in your take on my posting, Bahmer.

That durn Squid's influence is evident.

bahmer

I figured you would enjoy my take on that.
You dastardly Marine you and against a nice Squid at that.

badbobby Loc: texas

I have only counteracted your gaslighting
I don't endeavor to influence anyone
bahm is intelligent and has come to come to the proper decision
as to who owes who
of course when he first compared the stalwart handsome Sailor
to the despicable dastardly Marine
his mind was already made up

bahmer

He is quite devious is he not?

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I am as sweet & innocent as a newborn puppy.