permafrost Loc: Minnesota

More from those sewing ladies....


The future for all my friends.You know it makes sense in this day and age.

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training (S**T). We take p***e in the amount of S**T our employees receive. We have given our employees more S**T than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S**T on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S**T you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

Does this look familiar?

Lonewolf

quote=permafrost]More from those sewing ladies....


The future for all my friends.You know it makes sense in this day and age.

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training (S**T). We take p***e in the amount of S**T our employees receive. We have given our employees more S**T than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S**T on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S**T you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

Does this look familiar?[/quote]

archie bunker Loc: Texas

Would you like for me to name a company? I can.

permafrost Loc: Minnesota

LOL, I bet we all could..

archie bunker Loc: Texas

You know, I just found out the other day that the company I work for has a cutoff age of 80 for employees, and contractors. I learned this because this old guy who does hotshot kind of stuff for us won't be allowed to by the company anymore after his birthday in May.
We know a way around that so we can keep him working for as long as he wants. He's good as gold, perfectly capable, and customers love him. Plus, if he gets put out to pasture, he'll die. I just know it! If he can't get up, and go to work, he has no reason to be here.
That's prolly how I'll be myself. Unfortunatly, some of us are wired that way, and companies see us/them as a liability rather than an asset. It's a shame.

Gatsby

Arch: Tell your friend to check on continuing on a part time basis, I have found that the rules can be very different!

boatbob2

99% of ALL companies,dont give a damn,about employees,they only care about their bottom line !

Big dog

The State Park's is one.

badbobby Loc: texas

if you mean have I seen it before
the answer is yes
if you mean does this fit the firings in the Whitehouse,the answer is no

funny though

archie bunker Loc: Texas

He's not an employee, but an independent contractor. But he's as reliable as your bladder in the morning! Annndd....my wife, and I as well as others kinda look at him as our Dad in a way. Just a good ole guy who wants to work.
No worries, we'll keep him going, and get him paid. The corporate office just sees what's on a computer screen.

permafrost Loc: Minnesota

heck, I did not even think of the White House.. Did I miss a possible shot???

I h**e when I do that...

pafret Loc: Northeast

First time I saw this was in 1960. It it just as true now as it was then except there was an additional program "Retire All Personnel Early" or RAPE. Like SLAP, the employee could be Raped only once.

badbobby Loc: texas

don't feel too bad
we all miss opportunities

permafrost Loc: Minnesota

I knew it was old, but did not think it went back that far..

teabag09

WE got it the first time, you act like it's yours. Mike

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