Experts: government shutdown may cause human combustion

In one of the most controversial and destructive acts of his presidency, Donald Trump, the worst Republican president since Hitler, is threatening to shut down the government! This is bad news for all Americans according to several government agencies.

Senior accountant of the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office, Fred "Nonpartisan" Phelps, says the shutdown may cost the average American family up to $85,000 per day. "Women and minorities would be hardest hit," said Phelps coining a new phrase.

Citizens may not be able to access data from the Bureau of T***sportation Statistics. Over the next month, children will be asking, "Mommy, what's a t***sportation statistic?" The impact this will have on our children, our future, is simply unacceptable and entirely avoidable.

Furthermore, if no deal is reached by midnight tonight, funding will be halted for the Department for the Prevention of Spontaneous Human Combustion causing them to shut down their hotline, a service otherwise accessible to millions of Americans. Estimates show that over 1,475,286.04 preventable spontaneous combustions will take place every minute past midnight for as long as Trump refuses to see reason and negotiate.

Worse yet, millions of necessary government employees will have to go without work wondering when they will be compensated for what essentially amounts to a paid vacation. "The stress is k*****g me," said Claude McElroy of the Agency of Banjo String Quality Assurance. "If I'd known Trump was gonna do this, I'da planned for a fishin' trip. Instead, all I can do is stay at home an' watch YouTube videos all day like I do at work. I'm madder 'n a wet hen, and I feel like I could blow up any minute now. Course, there ain't nothin' I can do 'bout it since Trump come around and personally cut my phone line. Now I can't call that spontaneous combustion hotline and git the help I need. The Mrs. is already crying her eyes out, and that Trump don't care!"

Completely unmoved by the suffering he's inflicted on middle class Americans, sources close to the president say that he spent the afternoon with Ivanka checking out a new top hat to go with his obscenely expensive pinstripe tuxedo. Anonymous sources claim that Trump, while inserting a monocle into his right eye to inspect his new hat, simply told reporters, "I can't be bothered with that."

I should have cited the source. I tried to add a photo attachment and OPP would not allow it as they thougth it to be spam, but wasn't, because I go to the site almost everyday and no problems. The photo would have had the source (The Onion) in it. Sorry...

This is a good thread you started, slatten49. It is ashamed that other posters have to hijack it with slinging unrelated ad hominem bulls**t.

The "government shutdown" is another left and right arm of the corporate party dog and pony show for the proletariat. How do I know? Because Trump and the repub (right arm) could v**e to change the Senate rules to 51 and end the shutdown tomorrow.

Keep your eye on the red ball and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

MoldyOldy, I would ask you to really think about the foolishness of your remark that "these 800,000 DACA must be good people." It is totally unreasonable & unrealistic to put one such label on a groip of 800,000 people. Also, your stance that coming here was not their fault is also silly and irrelevant. ALL children, everywhere, ALWAYS move with their parents with no say so in the matter, so it is beyond stupid to reward any behavior in such a case because "it isn't their fault." Also, remember thousands, mostly teenagers/some preteens, came by themselves, no family, and you can be sure they knew what they were doing was wrong. As for the families, even a 6 year old would have known something was wrong as the family evaded authorities & sneaked into another country. And, obviously, as they grew, all these so-called children that we are supposed to have such compassion for, realized that they had broken the laws of this nation. So, these DACA folks, no longer children, should be deported along with their illegal fsmilies.

In noting the date of this article, one may understand: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Roles are simply reversed.

“Reality is made up of circles but we see straight lines.” -Peter Senge

By Napp Nazworth , Christian Post Reporter | Oct 2, 2013 5:45 AM


There has been much finger pointing going around lately. Republicans say it is the Democrats fault; Democrats say it is the Republicans fault. To get at the root cause of the current government shutdown, though, one must understand why our Founding Fathers designed our government the way they did.

All democracies have two basic functions – policy and representation. Democratic governments must both get things done (policy) and account for the diverse interests of the populace (representation).

These two basic functions, though, are in tension with each other. The reason is simple – an institution that must represent the views of many will have more difficulty coming to an agreement than an institution that represents the views of a few. A democracy that performs its representation function well has more difficulty with its policy function. Likewise, a democracy that is more efficient at making policy will suffer in its ability to represent the diverse interests of the country.

When the U.S. Constitution was written, our Founding Fathers clearly had a preference for a government that performed its representation function well over a government that performed its policy function well. Compared to the U.S. government, on the other hand, the English government tends to favor its policy function over its representation function.

Imagine for a moment that you were going to design a democracy from scratch. If you wanted to make sure that your government was really good at getting things done – the policy function – would you have a bicameral legislature, separation of powers and midterm e******ns? Not hardly. All of these design features, and more, were put in place by our Founding Fathers to make sure we had a government that represented the diverse interests of the country. They were less concerned about designing a government that got things done, or made policy well.

Now, back to the shutdown.

"But one faction of one party, in one house of Congress, in one branch of government doesn't get to shut down the entire government just to re-fight the results of an e******n," President Barack Obama remarked Monday.

Besides the fact that the government did get shut down, at least partially, Obama appears to misunderstand that our government was designed such that "one faction of one party, in one house of Congress" could have a great deal of influence, at least compared to its size.

Plus, while v**ers did choose Obama to be president, they also chose Republicans to control the House. Indeed, Republicans took control of the House in 2010, and were re-elected in 2012, in large part as a rejection of the president's policies. So, when they reject the president's policies while passing legislation, they are representing the will of their v**ers. The only e******n that seems to count, in Obama's view, is the one that elected him, while the e******ns that put Republicans in power should have no consequences.

Our Founders wanted a government in which all factions were represented in the policy process, and that is what is happening. With a diverse group of factions represented, holding sharply different views about the role of government, our government is having difficulty performing its policy function, or simply getting things done.

So, we have the Republicans who are representing the interests of their v**ers, Obama and Democrats who are representing the interests of their v**ers. With a deeply divided e*****rate, our government is representing those interests so well that they are unable to reach an agreement. And, it is all the fault of our Founding Fathers. Blame it on them.

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Schummer and Pelosi used the illegal DACA as bargaining chip to fund the government operation. These democrats are aiding and abetting criminals to enlarge their power and to use them as armies to illegally v**e for them. Their only hope for winning the e******n. The democrats align and cuddle criminals and turned their backs against the American people paying their salaries and lucrative benefits. The democrats in Congress were elected to work for the American people. But instead they work for the enemies of our country. They join the i*****l a***ns, who committed crimes in our country, for these are their armies to commit crimes for the democrats in order to have the f********t e******n victory.
Democrats are ALL TREASONOUS for aiding and abetting the enemies of the United States.