Naughty Nurses
Nov 20, 2017 11:28:57 #
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? "Some asshole has my pen!"
What do you call a duck in a clinic? Nurse Quacktioner.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.
Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures? She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.
How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
How do you save a doctor from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.
What 's the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade? She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
A doctor is standing in the hall of a hospital talking with a colleague when suddenly one of his patients runs down the hall in his hospital gown screaming at the top of his lungs. Right behind the patient is a nurse carrying a pan of steaming, boiling-hot water, obviously chasing the patient. The doctor interrupts his conversation with his colleague and shouts to the chasing nurse, "Miss Jones, I said 'Prick his boil!'"
Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear." The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees." The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer." The fourth nurse fainted.
A man goes to the doctor's office one day. The nurse, quite attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now. He won't be back for about an hour. Could you tell me your symptoms, please?" He tells her. She looks at him appraisingly and decides he's just tense. She offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the thing for you!" He agrees, and she takes him into an examining room and screws the daylights out of him. About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is there. The doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him, and decides the man is just tense. The doctor writes out a prescription for a sedative and says, "That'll be $150 for this visit." The man says, "If it's all the same to you, doctor, I'd rather have the $50 cure!"
What do you call a duck in a clinic? Nurse Quacktioner.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.
Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures? She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.
How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
How do you save a doctor from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.
What 's the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade? She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
A doctor is standing in the hall of a hospital talking with a colleague when suddenly one of his patients runs down the hall in his hospital gown screaming at the top of his lungs. Right behind the patient is a nurse carrying a pan of steaming, boiling-hot water, obviously chasing the patient. The doctor interrupts his conversation with his colleague and shouts to the chasing nurse, "Miss Jones, I said 'Prick his boil!'"
Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear." The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees." The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer." The fourth nurse fainted.
A man goes to the doctor's office one day. The nurse, quite attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now. He won't be back for about an hour. Could you tell me your symptoms, please?" He tells her. She looks at him appraisingly and decides he's just tense. She offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the thing for you!" He agrees, and she takes him into an examining room and screws the daylights out of him. About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is there. The doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him, and decides the man is just tense. The doctor writes out a prescription for a sedative and says, "That'll be $150 for this visit." The man says, "If it's all the same to you, doctor, I'd rather have the $50 cure!"
Nov 20, 2017 11:35:06 #
Squiddiddler wrote:
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal the... (show quote)
LOL
seems to mr Squid that you are the naughty one
all good I am aquainted with a nurse and I may get up enough nerve to tell her these lil quips
Nov 20, 2017 13:10:25 #
Noraa
Loc: Kansas
badbobby wrote:
LOL
seems to mr Squid that you are the naughty one
all good I am aquainted with a nurse and I may get up enough nerve to tell her these lil quips
seems to mr Squid that you are the naughty one
all good I am aquainted with a nurse and I may get up enough nerve to tell her these lil quips
One of my best friends is a nurse and she has told me several of these. The rest are pretty good.
Nov 21, 2017 11:28:33 #
Nov 21, 2017 12:07:54 #
Squiddiddler wrote:
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal the... (show quote)
Very funny thanks.
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.