How Do Veterans Feel When They Return Home From Combat? Jonathan Kirk Davis, Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Sgt. in the United States Marine Corp It is an experience that is...

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Jonathan Kirk Davis,

Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Sgt. in the United States Marine Corp

It is an experience that is incredibly difficult to understand and describe.

I will try to describe the emotional/psychological process that I and many other fellow Marines (soldiers, sailors, etc) experienced.

Before you understand what a returning Marine/soldier/sailor/etc. experiences when they come home, you have to know what they really go through when they are over there.

What we all experience, combat or none, is a very, very long period of extended absence from comfort, security, our families, and breaks. The Marines spend seven months on deployment. Army is about twice that, but they don't go as often. That means months where you deal with the same people day, after day, after day. There is no change and no break. You work with them, you eat with them, and you live with them. If you can't stand them, oh well. If your boss is a jerk or psycho, there isn't even the escape of going home at the end of the day or having a weekend. Now you need to consider the war side of things. In the best case scenario, you are under the constant threat of surprise attack. Car bombs, roadside bombs, suicide bombers, mortars. Looking at people everywhere who you can see absolutely h**e you. In the worst case scenario, you actually fight. You might k**l people. You might lose friends. But I won't get into what it's like for those cases, they are pretty tough to nail down and can vary wildly. But wh**ever picture I drew, don't think about how it sucks for a few short periods of intense violence; imagine it sucking for months and months of a slow drone and a psychological beating.

And then you come home. Everything is fine now right? Not really ...

First, we are absolutely elated to come home, see our families, go to our bars, women ... This is a high that can't really be expressed very accurately. In a way, you are doing things that you have done many times before, but it has been so long that it feels completely foreign to you. When you see your wife, she is unfamiliar to you. When you first see her, you get the smell of her hair and her embrace, but there are subtle differences that make you feel as if things are different somehow. Her hair has changed or she has new interests. It kind of feels like a first date for a few weeks as you try to remember how you fit together again ... figuratively speaking. This "second first date" is the same with all the things you do, h*****g out with your old friends, going to favorite hangouts. But don't get me wrong. Even if we are quiet about it and act like it is no big deal, these are some of the happiest days we have ever had.

Second, there is residual stress that carries over from a combat deployment. While on deployment, military people deal with each other in ways that are not normal in civilian America. We are harsh with each other and don't often act with kindness and gentleness with one another. Add this to natural combat stress, the constant concern that you may get attacked, the wondering if a vehicle near you is going to blow up, always seeing in the eye of every local that they want to k**l you. You are suspicious, tightly wound, and easily angered. I remember several times waking up in my bed even a few months after deployment and panicking because I couldn't find my weapon. You also don't mesh well with your families. They do things you don't understand. They do things you don't understand, mostly because they have grown very independent of you. Many confuse this for a feeling that you are unwanted or unneeded, and this makes the returning person very irritable. Combine all these, and you have an explanation as to why so many men returning from "over there" come back angry and beat their wives. It is difficult to t***sition between two worlds and some, especially those who experience combat, don't cope well. It isn't right, but it happens.

Third, there is a long phase where you try to adjust to having your life back. To be honest, it is never the same as before you left. You are changed by the experience of a combat deployment, even after the first. Every time you go, you change. And so does everyone else that you care about. Everyone matures naturally, but independent of each other, and you have to reintegrate into each other's lives again. Young Marines often have a hard time keeping control; husbands fight with wives, and fathers can't communicate with kids (and don't be naive, this is different from those people who think it is the same as having teenagers). It takes time before everything settles down emotionally. Most people make it through this phase OK, but unfortunately, many don't.

This is the part of coming home most people don't really talk about.

pafret Loc: Northeast

slatten49 wrote:

Jonathan Kirk Davis,

Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Sgt. in the United States Marine Corp

It is an experience that is incredibly difficult to understand and describe.

I will try to describe the emotional/psychological process that I and many other fellow Marines (soldiers, sailors, etc) experienced.

Before you understand what a returning Marine/soldier/sailor/etc. experiences when they come home, you have to know what they really go through when they are over there.

What we all experience, combat or none, is a very, very long period of extended absence from comfort, security, our families, and breaks. The Marines spend seven months on deployment. Army is about twice that, but they don't go as often. That means months where you deal with the same people day, after day, after day. There is no change and no break. You work with them, you eat with them, and you live with them. If you can't stand them, oh well. If your boss is a jerk or psycho, there isn't even the escape of going home at the end of the day or having a weekend. Now you need to consider the war side of things. In the best case scenario, you are under the constant threat of surprise attack. Car bombs, roadside bombs, suicide bombers, mortars. Looking at people everywhere who you can see absolutely h**e you. In the worst case scenario, you actually fight. You might k**l people. You might lose friends. But I won't get into what it's like for those cases, they are pretty tough to nail down and can vary wildly. But wh**ever picture I drew, don't think about how it sucks for a few short periods of intense violence; imagine it sucking for months and months of a slow drone and a psychological beating.

And then you come home. Everything is fine now right? Not really ...

First, we are absolutely elated to come home, see our families, go to our bars, women ... This is a high that can't really be expressed very accurately. In a way, you are doing things that you have done many times before, but it has been so long that it feels completely foreign to you. When you see your wife, she is unfamiliar to you. When you first see her, you get the smell of her hair and her embrace, but there are subtle differences that make you feel as if things are different somehow. Her hair has changed or she has new interests. It kind of feels like a first date for a few weeks as you try to remember how you fit together again ... figuratively speaking. This "second first date" is the same with all the things you do, h*****g out with your old friends, going to favorite hangouts. But don't get me wrong. Even if we are quiet about it and act like it is no big deal, these are some of the happiest days we have ever had.

Second, there is residual stress that carries over from a combat deployment. While on deployment, military people deal with each other in ways that are not normal in civilian America. We are harsh with each other and don't often act with kindness and gentleness with one another. Add this to natural combat stress, the constant concern that you may get attacked, the wondering if a vehicle near you is going to blow up, always seeing in the eye of every local that they want to k**l you. You are suspicious, tightly wound, and easily angered. I remember several times waking up in my bed even a few months after deployment and panicking because I couldn't find my weapon. You also don't mesh well with your families. They do things you don't understand. They do things you don't understand, mostly because they have grown very independent of you. Many confuse this for a feeling that you are unwanted or unneeded, and this makes the returning person very irritable. Combine all these, and you have an explanation as to why so many men returning from "over there" come back angry and beat their wives. It is difficult to t***sition between two worlds and some, especially those who experience combat, don't cope well. It isn't right, but it happens.

Third, there is a long phase where you try to adjust to having your life back. To be honest, it is never the same as before you left. You are changed by the experience of a combat deployment, even after the first. Every time you go, you change. And so does everyone else that you care about. Everyone matures naturally, but independent of each other, and you have to reintegrate into each other's lives again. Young Marines often have a hard time keeping control; husbands fight with wives, and fathers can't communicate with kids (and don't be naive, this is different from those people who think it is the same as having teenagers). It takes time before everything settles down emotionally. Most people make it through this phase OK, but unfortunately, many don't.

This is the part of coming home most people don't really talk about.

Jonathan Kirk Davis, br br Veteran of Operation I... (show quote)

Slatten, thanks for posting this. I served in peacetime so I never experienced any of this. Later in life I sometimes worked remotely from my home and family and was gone for as long as three months at a time. Even with that short a time you become aware that the place you filled has shrunk. Children develop in ways you might have guided into a different path if you had been at home. Your wife has an independent spirit that pleases and annoys at the same time because she is capable of taking care of herself and the family without you and tends to do so.

Given that your loved ones are constantly changing and evolving new characteristics, to come out of an enormously stress filled environment and find the world has moved on without you has to be hell on earth. These veterans end up fighting a new battle against themselves in their attempt to re-acclimate to civilian life. The attitudes and short fuze that kept them alive in combat lead to domestic strife, if they cannot t***sition.

I cringe each time one of our warhawk politicians proposes invading another country as though they were sending expendable robots into battle, instead of flesh and blood, men and women. It is good for all of us to read articles like this and keep the human costs firmly in mind. It needs to be said so that we understand the debt owed to the veterans who make our life possible.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

pafret wrote:

Slatten, thanks for posting this. I served in pea... (show quote)

Thanks, my friend. Upon reading this and other articles by Mr. Davis, I recognized the glaring similarities of the return home for all combat Veterans, regardless of their war.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

slatten49 wrote:

Jonathan Kirk Davis,

Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Sgt. in the United States Marine Corp

It is an experience that is incredibly difficult to understand and describe.

I will try to describe the emotional/psychological process that I and many other fellow Marines (soldiers, sailors, etc) experienced.

Before you understand what a returning Marine/soldier/sailor/etc. experiences when they come home, you have to know what they really go through when they are over there.

What we all experience, combat or none, is a very, very long period of extended absence from comfort, security, our families, and breaks. The Marines spend seven months on deployment. Army is about twice that, but they don't go as often. That means months where you deal with the same people day, after day, after day. There is no change and no break. You work with them, you eat with them, and you live with them. If you can't stand them, oh well. If your boss is a jerk or psycho, there isn't even the escape of going home at the end of the day or having a weekend. Now you need to consider the war side of things. In the best case scenario, you are under the constant threat of surprise attack. Car bombs, roadside bombs, suicide bombers, mortars. Looking at people everywhere who you can see absolutely h**e you. In the worst case scenario, you actually fight. You might k**l people. You might lose friends. But I won't get into what it's like for those cases, they are pretty tough to nail down and can vary wildly. But wh**ever picture I drew, don't think about how it sucks for a few short periods of intense violence; imagine it sucking for months and months of a slow drone and a psychological beating.

And then you come home. Everything is fine now right? Not really ...

First, we are absolutely elated to come home, see our families, go to our bars, women ... This is a high that can't really be expressed very accurately. In a way, you are doing things that you have done many times before, but it has been so long that it feels completely foreign to you. When you see your wife, she is unfamiliar to you. When you first see her, you get the smell of her hair and her embrace, but there are subtle differences that make you feel as if things are different somehow. Her hair has changed or she has new interests. It kind of feels like a first date for a few weeks as you try to remember how you fit together again ... figuratively speaking. This "second first date" is the same with all the things you do, h*****g out with your old friends, going to favorite hangouts. But don't get me wrong. Even if we are quiet about it and act like it is no big deal, these are some of the happiest days we have ever had.

Second, there is residual stress that carries over from a combat deployment. While on deployment, military people deal with each other in ways that are not normal in civilian America. We are harsh with each other and don't often act with kindness and gentleness with one another. Add this to natural combat stress, the constant concern that you may get attacked, the wondering if a vehicle near you is going to blow up, always seeing in the eye of every local that they want to k**l you. You are suspicious, tightly wound, and easily angered. I remember several times waking up in my bed even a few months after deployment and panicking because I couldn't find my weapon. You also don't mesh well with your families. They do things you don't understand. They do things you don't understand, mostly because they have grown very independent of you. Many confuse this for a feeling that you are unwanted or unneeded, and this makes the returning person very irritable. Combine all these, and you have an explanation as to why so many men returning from "over there" come back angry and beat their wives. It is difficult to t***sition between two worlds and some, especially those who experience combat, don't cope well. It isn't right, but it happens.

Third, there is a long phase where you try to adjust to having your life back. To be honest, it is never the same as before you left. You are changed by the experience of a combat deployment, even after the first. Every time you go, you change. And so does everyone else that you care about. Everyone matures naturally, but independent of each other, and you have to reintegrate into each other's lives again. Young Marines often have a hard time keeping control; husbands fight with wives, and fathers can't communicate with kids (and don't be naive, this is different from those people who think it is the same as having teenagers). It takes time before everything settles down emotionally. Most people make it through this phase OK, but unfortunately, many don't.

This is the part of coming home most people don't really talk about.

Jonathan Kirk Davis, br br Veteran of Operation I... (show quote)

Very rarely.

PLT Sarge Loc: Alabama

Damn, you just laid it all out. I have tried to think how to express to civilians just how hard it is to adjust back to being a civilian. We were in Iraq in 04-05, all that you said we went through. When I came home my first grandchild was one month old. When my wife laid her in my hands, that was it. I understood why we do, or have done what we have. She was my therapy, through these years since, the fogs of war are slowly going away. I still see every day, and sometimes at night the brave men and women that gave all. Now I have two grandsons. Showing the three of them how to read a compass. How to read the stars and the weather. How to track animals. Camping out on a creek, cooking on a camp fire. These things are how we return. Find something to hold on to and believe that what we have done, was all for them. Would I do it again after 38 years in service. HELL YEA, where do I make my mark.

Carol Kelly

slatten49 wrote:

Jonathan Kirk Davis,

Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Sgt. in the United States Marine Corp

It is an experience that is incredibly difficult to understand and describe.

I will try to describe the emotional/psychological process that I and many other fellow Marines (soldiers, sailors, etc) experienced.

Before you understand what a returning Marine/soldier/sailor/etc. experiences when they come home, you have to know what they really go through when they are over there.

What we all experience, combat or none, is a very, very long period of extended absence from comfort, security, our families, and breaks. The Marines spend seven months on deployment. Army is about twice that, but they don't go as often. That means months where you deal with the same people day, after day, after day. There is no change and no break. You work with them, you eat with them, and you live with them. If you can't stand them, oh well. If your boss is a jerk or psycho, there isn't even the escape of going home at the end of the day or having a weekend. Now you need to consider the war side of things. In the best case scenario, you are under the constant threat of surprise attack. Car bombs, roadside bombs, suicide bombers, mortars. Looking at people everywhere who you can see absolutely h**e you. In the worst case scenario, you actually fight. You might k**l people. You might lose friends. But I won't get into what it's like for those cases, they are pretty tough to nail down and can vary wildly. But wh**ever picture I drew, don't think about how it sucks for a few short periods of intense violence; imagine it sucking for months and months of a slow drone and a psychological beating.

And then you come home. Everything is fine now right? Not really ...

First, we are absolutely elated to come home, see our families, go to our bars, women ... This is a high that can't really be expressed very accurately. In a way, you are doing things that you have done many times before, but it has been so long that it feels completely foreign to you. When you see your wife, she is unfamiliar to you. When you first see her, you get the smell of her hair and her embrace, but there are subtle differences that make you feel as if things are different somehow. Her hair has changed or she has new interests. It kind of feels like a first date for a few weeks as you try to remember how you fit together again ... figuratively speaking. This "second first date" is the same with all the things you do, h*****g out with your old friends, going to favorite hangouts. But don't get me wrong. Even if we are quiet about it and act like it is no big deal, these are some of the happiest days we have ever had.

Second, there is residual stress that carries over from a combat deployment. While on deployment, military people deal with each other in ways that are not normal in civilian America. We are harsh with each other and don't often act with kindness and gentleness with one another. Add this to natural combat stress, the constant concern that you may get attacked, the wondering if a vehicle near you is going to blow up, always seeing in the eye of every local that they want to k**l you. You are suspicious, tightly wound, and easily angered. I remember several times waking up in my bed even a few months after deployment and panicking because I couldn't find my weapon. You also don't mesh well with your families. They do things you don't understand. They do things you don't understand, mostly because they have grown very independent of you. Many confuse this for a feeling that you are unwanted or unneeded, and this makes the returning person very irritable. Combine all these, and you have an explanation as to why so many men returning from "over there" come back angry and beat their wives. It is difficult to t***sition between two worlds and some, especially those who experience combat, don't cope well. It isn't right, but it happens.

Third, there is a long phase where you try to adjust to having your life back. To be honest, it is never the same as before you left. You are changed by the experience of a combat deployment, even after the first. Every time you go, you change. And so does everyone else that you care about. Everyone matures naturally, but independent of each other, and you have to reintegrate into each other's lives again. Young Marines often have a hard time keeping control; husbands fight with wives, and fathers can't communicate with kids (and don't be naive, this is different from those people who think it is the same as having teenagers). It takes time before everything settles down emotionally. Most people make it through this phase OK, but unfortunately, many don't.

This is the part of coming home most people don't really talk about.

Jonathan Kirk Davis, br br Veteran of Operation I... (show quote)

Thank you for your service and bothering to explain to us what it's like. May God hold you in His hands and protect you. And may you find peace.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

PLT Sarge wrote:

Damn, you just laid it all out. I have tried to th... (show quote)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts after reading Sgt. Davis' piece.

And, thanks for your extraordinary time in service, PLT Sarge

PLT Sarge Loc: Alabama

Thank you, Carol Kelly. These are the words that we need to hear. True Americans, as yourself that know some have to pay the price for all. For our Freedom. This is why I get so upset that some on this forum continue to spread their hatred for this great country.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

slatten49 wrote:

Thanks for sharing your thoughts after reading Sgt. Davis' piece.

And, thanks for your extraordinary time in service, PLT Sarge

And I heartily second that, you old dogface.

PLT Sarge Loc: Alabama

Slatten, I take dog face as a soldier in arms. You old Jar Head. This is we how we in the military diss each other, but still know that we have each others 6.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

PLT Sarge wrote:

Slatten, I take dog face as a soldier in arms. You old Jar Head. This is we how we in the military diss each other, but still know that we have each others 6.

I have some pleasant memories and affection for you old dogfaces even though we did help pull your wool out of the fire in Korea. Once a Jarhead, always a Jarhead. That is similar to "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away".

Semper Fi