slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Beware of the bears...

The Montana State Forest and Wildlife is advising golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Gallatin, Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forests' golf courses.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle, the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise them to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is always a good idea tow watch for signs of bear activity.

Golfers should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings on the gold courses. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

Retired currency...

A well-worn $1 bill and a similarly distressed $20 bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.

As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The $20 bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why, I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in the New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says the twenty, "Where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

The $1 bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, and the Lutheran Church."

The $20 bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

Pastor's parking...

A pastor parked in a no-parking zone as he was hurried and couldn't find a space with a meter. He left a note on his windshield: "I've circled the block ten times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he saw a ticket from the officer that read "I've circled this block for ten years. If I don't ticket you, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

archie bunker Loc: Texas

That one dollar bill wasn't entirely t***hful. It had also been through the G-Strings of countless "exotic dancers."

I read somewhere once that things like that happen with dollar bills.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I've also heard that.

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

I guess that's why Ben Franklin is on the $100 bill.............you roll it into a tube snort some coke and get high as a kite. I got my hands on a $100 bill once - it began hollering "stanger danger! stranger danger!".

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

They make $100 bills

archie bunker Loc: Texas

I was wondering the same thing!
Then it hit me like a lightening bolt! I actually had one of those in my hands one time. I smelled it to see if it was real, and my head went numb, and I got all fuzzy.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Someday, I'ma gon'na have me one of them bad Benjamins

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

Be forewarned; Ben will drop a dime on you. The Secret Service showed up within minutes after I got my hands on a $100 bill and took it away from me, saying "you're not supposed to have that, those are for real people".

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Yeah, but for a moment there, you had visions of grandeur, didn't ya', Doc Be forewarned, though, if you get hold of one of 'em, your friends will dramatically increase in number...as will Family.

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

It was gone so fast, nobody knew I ever had it............except for the IRS that is. I got taxed for just LOOKING at one owned by someone else.

Someone tried to show me a $1000 bill once, and I ran like hell. I'm pretty sure they were an IRS plant. I mean, why else make a $1000 bill?

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Well, duh, Doc...to increase one's circle of friends and Family.

badbobby Loc: texas

very good Slat
This time I shall laugh with you
instead of at you

badbobby Loc: texas

of course Arch
We hear rumors similar to that all the time

badbobby Loc: texas

what's a hundred dollar bill??

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Forget about it, BB. You haven't seen one since you lost your bankroll to Salty & I some time ago. Go with your George Washingtons.