slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

By Andy Borowitz

August 3, 2017

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The special counsel, Robert Mueller, just called Donald Trump to tell the President that he was “the most innocent person ever,” Trump told reporters on Thursday.

“It was the middle of the afternoon, and he just picked up the phone to say how innocent I was,” Trump said. “He said I was the most innocent person he’d ever come across, and maybe in history.”

“He said he had been over all of the evidence and that he and his staff would spend hours just looking at each other in amazement at about how unbelievably innocent I was,” he said.

Trump said that he asked Mueller why, in his opinion, the media had reported so many stories about his campaign colluding with Russians. “Bob said to me, ‘Are you talking about the failing New York Times and CNN?’ ” Trump reported. “ ‘They have been very unfair to you. They are bad (or sick) people. Sad!’ That’s what Bob said to me.”

The conversation wound down with a series of “pleasantries,” Trump said, with Mueller complimenting him on the size of his 2016 victory, including his enormous win in New Hampshire.

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Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.

E

Just more l*****t s**t. Don't bother with it.

eden

eden

Satire??? What do we from the 12th Century know of satire???

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Damn, Lady Eden. You're older than I imagined.

Though, still a looker, I'd bet.

eden

Well I shouldn't reveal this (he will be very embarrassed) but America Only still lusts after me.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I h**e to break it to you, Eden, but AO's talking dirty to you does not necessary mean he lusts for you.

eden

Oh that's just his clumsy way of courting. Don't be fooled, I have seen the smoke of carnal desire in his writing. 😜

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Oh...okay.

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

Huh, that must be filed with phone call from Mexico's President begging Trump to let him pay for the wall, the Boy Scout leader's call congratulating him for the best speech ever, and all the other phantom phone calls.

Had Mueller called trump and had this conversation - he'd be fired immediately. It's easy to make such claims, knowing Mueller cannot comment one way or the other.

eden

Trump tweeted this morning that Eden called him personally and apologized for all the f**e psychological evaluations and pledged to love honor and obey him from now on.