M E M O R A N D U M: M E M O R A N D U M Dear Staff, ATTIRE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a...

Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

M E M O R A N D U M

Dear Staff,

ATTIRE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a SlimFast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

SURGERY: As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!
MANAGEMENT

Zemirah Loc: Sojourner En Route...

That is entertaining reading, but in the 1960's, although this would not have been put into writing, for white collared, salaried employees, much of it would have been silently understood, and actually applied!

The employee served at the employer's pleasure, and could be fired for anything or nothing.

If any of it was actually attempted as policy today, the employer would be slapped down
by so many lawsuits, he/she would never emerge from beneath the paperwork.

Oldsailor65 wrote:

b color=blue M E M O R A N D U M br br Dear Sta... (show quote)

bestpal38 Loc: Cedar City, Utah

Zemirah wrote:

That is entertaining reading, but in the 1960's, although this would not have been put into writing, for white collared, salaried employees, much of it would have been silently understood, and actually applied!

The employee served at the employer's pleasure, and could be fired for anything or nothing.

If any of it was actually attempted as policy today, the employer would be slapped down
by so many lawsuits, he/she would never emerge from beneath the paperwork.

Thank you for over analyzing a fricken joke!!

Zemirah Loc: Sojourner En Route...

You're very welcome.

I was capable of enjoying the satirical humor of the post and of adding an insight derived from my own life's experience, without attempting to impose restrictions on other's understanding, interpretation or reaction.

Try it.

bestpal38 wrote:

Thank you for over analyzing a fricken joke!!

Capt-jack Loc: Home

I think that is Mike Bloomberg's employee code.

Zemirah Loc: Sojourner En Route...

He is certainly wealthy enough and powerful enough, and based on his removing the salt shakers from the tables in all New York City's restaurants, and forbidding the sale of 40 oz. Big Gulp drinks, while reigning as their mayor, he is enough of a control freak, to authorize just such a code!

Capt-jack wrote:

I think that is Mike Bloomberg's employee code.