Phyllis Dillerisms...
Whatever you may look like, marry
a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids
are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is
because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:
Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made
the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times
to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab
without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties
is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing
was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots
show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow
the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep
your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have
discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
she was quite the bawdy old woman and extremely funny
badbobby wrote:
she was quite the bawdy old woman and extremely funny
BB, do you remember Sophie Tucker, one of the earliest bawdy old women
slatten49 wrote:
BB, do you remember Sophie Tucker, one of the earliest bawdy old women
Mae West was no wallflower.
PoppaGringo wrote:
Mae West was no wallflower.
No, she wasn't.
Word was that a young BB carried a pistol on him whenever she was around, because he was 'glad' to see her.
slatten49 wrote:
No, she wasn't.
Word was that a young BB carried a pistol on him whenever she was around, because he was 'glad' to see her.
He was overjoyed when she told him to "Come up and see me sometime'.
badbobby wrote:
Phyllis Dillerisms...
Whatever you may look like, marry
a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids
are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is
because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:
Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made
the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times
to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab
without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties
is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing
was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots
show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow
the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep
your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have
discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Dillerisms... br br br Whatever you may... (
show quote)
They were all good and she was a truly funny lady. Her and Bob Hope could really crack me up.
No one ever thinks of or remembers poor ole Fang. I miss the Ed Sullivan Shu and Red Skelton.
Peewee wrote:
No one ever thinks of or remembers poor ole Fang. I miss the Ed Sullivan Shu and Red Skelton.
It was a good show and I always loved Red Skelton he was funny.
badbobby wrote:
vaguely Slat
there's no longer any real comedians
it's now who can be the dirtiest
nothin funny about them
badbobby wrote:
there's no longer any real comedians
it's now who can be the dirtiest
nothin funny about them
We had Bob Hope, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman, Carol Burnett,
and countless others and they were good and didn't use profanity
they were just good clean actors and actresses who loved people
and they loved comedy. Why not now?
badbobby wrote:
Phyllis Dillerisms...
Whatever you may look like, marry
a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids
are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is
because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:
Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made
the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times
to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab
without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties
is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing
was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots
show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow
the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep
your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have
discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Dillerisms... br br br Whatever you may... (
show quote)
Bobby, I used to see her in the clubs in NYC back in the days. She was one crazy woman! I had an after hour club back in the 70s she came one night, and we talked for about 3hrs. What a really wonderful lady! You wouldn't even recognize her off stage! One of the funniest ladies in the history of show business! Thanks for reminding me of her!
Do any of you remember Bell Barth? She used to say, line ten men up against the wall I'll betcha ten dollars I'll bang them All! Sound off one two sound off three four sound off one two three four! She was a Miami Beach favorite back in the early 60s!
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