Bad Bob wrote:
Never a Catholic church.
Wassamatter? Afraid the holy water will melt you? Or is it the altar that you fear so much? Oh, the cross above the altar! And the 13 stations! Yes, I can see where a subhuman creature such as yourself would feel uncomfortable among the symbols of eternal salvation as found in a Catholic church. It's OK, these things are not there to do you harm, rather to assure you that you have come to the right place.
To try and get over your aversion, have a friend get you a set of rosary beads. Place the beads as close to your person as you can stand them to be and just leave them there. Over time, edge them closer and closer until you can actually withstand the terrible horrors of touching the packaging. This may take months or in extreme cases, even years, but you must persevere. Once you can touch the packaging, try and stay in contact for longer and longer periods every day.
Eventually you will notice the horror receding and a certain 'calm' replacing the naked fear you originally felt. Again, this may take an extended period, but you must persevere. When you find that you can stand to be in contact with the packaging for 5 minutes or more, then it''s time for the big leap into the unknown. Without hesitation, place the package upright on the table and rip the top off, looking directly at the beads inside. At first you will feel that you have been blinded by an intense, piercing white light but don't move, don't waver, just keep calm and continue to look directly at the rosary in the package. Some say it helps to hold the packaging but that has not been proven.
After about 30 seconds, the slight tinge of peripheral vision will begin returning to your eyes. This is the most crucial stage. Do not look away! Continue your gaze on the rosary until your vision has returned to normal. This may take 5 or, in extreme cases, 10 minutes. During this time, clear your mind of all thought and allow the inner workings of your mind to accept the new vision you are being blessed with. This does not take long but some subjects have reported that it seemed to take several lifetimes. Just keep your gaze on the rosary and allow their inherent properties to work their wonders.
Now that you are able to see clearly again, you will find that you are able to take the rosary out of the packaging and place it around your neck, like a necklace. You will weep, they all do, when they come to understand the foolishness they were blinded by for all those years. Look around, see the beauty and goodness inherent in all things and then go, and sin no more.