Two elderly ladies have been friends for many decades. Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said: "Now don't get mad at me - I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
80-year old Bessie bursts into the recreation room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to a major crossroad. The stoplight was red, but they just drove through it.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again . Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said: "Oh! Am I driving?"
slatten49 wrote:
Two elderly ladies have been friends for many decades. Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said: "Now don't get mad at me - I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
80-year old Bessie bursts into the recreation room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to a major crossroad. The stoplight was red, but they just drove through it.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again . Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said: "Oh! Am I driving?"
Two elderly ladies have been friends for many deca... (
show quote)
and you have collected and saved these for how long?
badbobby wrote:
and you have collected and saved these for how long?
Got 'em off BabaMail, and thought they were worthy of posting.
slatten49 wrote:
Two elderly ladies have been friends for many decades. Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said: "Now don't get mad at me - I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
80-year old Bessie bursts into the recreation room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to a major crossroad. The stoplight was red, but they just drove through it.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again . Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said: "Oh! Am I driving?"
Two elderly ladies have been friends for many deca... (
show quote)
That's funny! I'm in there at least once, ummmm, ok, twice..........allright! Most of those are me ( except for the female part ).
slatten49 wrote:
Got 'em off BabaMail, and thought they were worthy of posting.
if ever they put me in a retirement home
I sincerely hope there's a "Bessie " there too
Slayed me dude. Wife wants to know what the commotion in here is. Just me trying to get off the floor. Thanks. Mike
slatten49 wrote:
Two elderly ladies have been friends for many decades. Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said: "Now don't get mad at me - I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
80-year old Bessie bursts into the recreation room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to a major crossroad. The stoplight was red, but they just drove through it.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again . Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said: "Oh! Am I driving?"
Two elderly ladies have been friends for many deca... (
show quote)
You'd probably go for the SOUP too! LOL. Mike
badbobby wrote:
if ever they put me in a retirement home
I sincerely hope there's a "Bessie " there too
teabag09 wrote:
You'd probably go for the SOUP too! LOL. Mike
Especially, in BB's case, if it came with a salad and breadsticks.
slatten49 wrote:
Especially, in BB's case, if it came with a salad and breadsticks.
Ive been known to eat soup
just not often
badbobby wrote:
Ive been known to eat soup
just not often
Eating crow is certainly commonplace for you.
Do they make crow soup
slatten49 wrote:
Eating crow is certainly commonplace for you.
Do they make crow soup
I believe "crow soup"
is reserved for Jarheads
and it must have been another dadtardly Marine who told you that obvious Marine propaganda
I love the back and forth between you squids and jarheads. My Mom was 1st Lt. Fleet, my Dad was SMSgt. Marines. I honor you both. Thank you both so much for your service. Mike
badbobby wrote:
I believe "crow soup"
is reserved for Jarheads
and it must have been another dadtardly Marine who told you that obvious Marine propaganda
teabag09 wrote:
I love the back and forth between you squids and jarheads. My Mom was 1st Lt. Fleet, my Dad was SMSgt. Marines. I honor you both. Thank you both so much for your service. Mike
Thank you,Teabag09. Dodging enemy fire was almost as hazardous as dodging verbal jabs/barbs from our jealous/envious Naval subordinates.
slatten49 wrote:
Thank you,Teabag09. Dodging enemy fire was almost as hazardous as dodging verbal jabs/barbs from our jealous/envious Naval subordinates.
prolly the only thing he ever dodged
was doing the dishes
badbobby wrote:
prolly the only thing he ever dodged
was doing the dishes
Not true, BB.
In order to remain under our roof, I have to do most of the dishes and cooking.
But, that seems fair enough, since I do almost all the eating.
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