slatten49 wrote:
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
Clearly only some monkeys and apes were deemed suitable for transformation.
slatten49 wrote:
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD LITTLE GIRLS LIVE.
Think he gives them a 'lump of coal'?
slatten49 wrote:
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
Then that question would not exist.
slatten49 wrote:
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
Yes.
slatten49 wrote:
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
Yes, because one personality is holding another personality hostage.
slatten49 wrote:
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
Alternate, substitute, alternative, equivalent, euphemism. There are others but I'm feeling lazy today.
slatten49 wrote:
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?
Anywhere but there.
slatten49 wrote:
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
Take a photo, it might be your last chance.
slatten49 wrote:
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
No, all parsley farmers are independent businessmen and therefore are not subject to garnishment. However, parsley farmers are able to garnish garlic farmers' wages, since garlic farmers all work for parsley farmers.
slatten49 wrote:
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
Good question, I'll ask the next fly that comes along.
slatten49 wrote:
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
Neither, he's cold.
slatten49 wrote:
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
Yes, but animals cannot eat vegetarian crackers.
slatten49 wrote:
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
No, they just assume he will.
slatten49 wrote:
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
So the blind drivers can withdraw money at the drive through. Duh!
slatten49 wrote:
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
Natural selection. The ones that cross elsewhere get whacked.
slatten49 wrote:
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
Me.
slatten49 wrote:
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, I could if I wanted to but, really, is there anyone more exciting and interesting to talk about than me? I mean, c'mon, seriously?
slatten49 wrote:
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? (This one took me a minute)
Only if she's flat chested...
slatten49 wrote:
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
Have you
tried adultery? There's no comparison!
slatten49 wrote:
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
How is it possible to have a kissing cousin?
slatten49 wrote:
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
No. The one that
drowns is the one who did it wrong. On the other hand, if only one
does not drown, he also did it wrong.
slatten49 wrote:
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
Yes.
slatten49 wrote:
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
You have succeeded at failing, therefore you have done both.
slatten49 wrote:
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
Mine. It's funny to listen to people try to explain that they have a 'lisp'.
slatten49 wrote:
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
Because assteroids was already taken.
slatten49 wrote:
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
We can't??? Uh-oooooh. I think I might be in a little trouble.... (Quietly slinks away)