Larry the Legend Loc: Not hiding in Milton

Housework Challenged

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Auburn."



Model Stools

I was in Target the other day, shopping with a young lady friend. We were walking past the furniture section where there were several different models of bar stools on display. Next to them there was a sign that read: "All models in stock now!"

So I paused next to the display and said, "Do you know what these are?"

"What?" she asked.

"Stool samples."



Unscheduled Outage

It's thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return. And waits. And waits.

"Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the network back to life," says the tech.

Next morning, the phone rings. It's a very irate corporate administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no control over.

The Administrator's response? "Next time, put it on the schedule before you have an unexpected outage!"



Handwriting

In school one day, a teacher asked my six-year-old son why his handwriting wasn't as neat as it usually was.

"I'm trying out a new font," he explained.




The Search for a Pastor During Bible Times

Dear Member, We do not have a happy report, as we have not been able to find a suitable candidate for pastor of our church thus far. We do, however, have one promising prospect. The following is our confidential report on the candidates:

Adam:
Good man, but has problems with his wife.

Noah:
Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.

Joseph:
A big thinker, but a braggart. Interprets dreams. Has a prison record.

Moses:
Modest and meek, but poor communicator; even stutters at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly in business meetings.

Deborah:
One word—female.

David:
The most promising candidate of all, until we discovered the affair he had with a neighbor’s wife.

Solomon:
Great preacher, but serious woman problems.

Elijah:
Prone to depression; collapses under pressure.

Jonah:
Told us he was swallowed by a huge fish. He said the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.

Amos:
Backward and unpolished. With some seminary training, he might have promise; but he has a problem with wealthy people.

John:
Says he’s a Baptist, but doesn’t dress like one. Sleeps in the outdoors, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.

Paul:
Powerful CEO type and fascinating preacher. But he’s short on tact, unforgiving with young ministers, harsh, and has been known to preach all night.

Timothy:
Too young.

Judas:
His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday with great hopes that he will accept our offer!

reconreb Loc: America / Inglis Fla.

Alicia Loc: NYC

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Great post. Thanks.